Dear Limo Princess,
My husband and I were married December 29, 2007. We were engaged in June of that year. We had initially planned on having a large wedding because of our large families, while still keeping things simple. Our biggest wish is that everyone could be there. My husband is in the military and we found out that he would be going to S. Korea and that I would not be able to come with him even if we were married. I had three weeks to plan the wedding and it was a few days after Christmas. With that said it was at the court house with a small dinner afterwards, 35 people. I loved our wedding and I am so happily married to my husband.We have not yet lived together, though we've been a couple for many years, we are only 21. We will finally live together and will be just starting out as a married couple next March. We promised our friends and families that could not come to the wedding that we would have a vow renewal so that everyone could be a part of our new marriage. We are getting ready to start planning the vow renewal. I have read many etiquette tips that say that we should have our bridal party walk down the isle with us, we shouldn't do traditional dances, and that we shouldn't register for gifts. The things that we felt we missed out on were precisely those things, and even more so, being able to have ALL of our loved ones present. My mother in law wants to plan me a bridal shower since I never got one in anticipation on the renewal. My questions are, in this particular set of circumstances would it be rude to register for gifts, have a shower, have our bridal party walk down the isle, have our traditional dances, etc? We originally were basically calling our plans for this a "re-do" but instead decided that it would be nice to renew our vows at the same time, seeing as we will have spent a year apart. What is your advice on how I should go about this? We still don't want to go over the top, we want to rent a pavilion and have the ceremony with a Reverend followed by a chicken barbecue. How should I go about this?
Jenn
Jenn dear,
First, my congratulations and know that you have my respect, it is very difficult to be a military wife! Here's how we are going to do this so that it will be perfect and so that you will get to have the wedding you missed out on. First, there won't be a bridal shower--it's too late for that one, so make up for it at the baby shower somewhere down the road. Second, set a date, rent a hall, buy a dress, pick your bridesmaids, send invitations and register for gifts at wherever you like. Third, Word the invitations something like this (if your parents or parents and in-laws) are hosting the event:
Mr.& Mrs. John Jones
and
Mr. & Mrs. James Smith
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their children,
Jennifer and ?
at half past three on Saturday the 14th of ?
at the American Legion Hall (address)
A renewal of vows will be held before the reception.
The favour of a reply is requested before ______?
If your parents or his parents are divorced/remarried/whatever or you and your husband are hosting the event let me know and I will give you the correct form for the invitation.
Congratulations sweetie and best of everything!
Limo Princess
Showing posts with label party etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label party etiquette. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Birthday Party Etiquette
Dear Limo Princess,
I am having a 30th birthday party for my husband. I am planning on paying for appetizers, how do I let the guests know that drinks and entrees are not paid for by me but are available if they choose?
Dear Tiffany,
You word the invitation along the lines of "Join us for appetizers at (wherever) from (whenever to whenever) for Husband's 30th birthday." CASH BAR This tells the invitees that only appetizers are taken care of and that they will have to pay for their own drinks. Nothing from nothing, why don't you have the party at your house--it would be MUCH cheaper than appetizers at a bar and you could theme it like a margarita party with nachos and a taco bar and a cake. It's generally considered rude to keep people through their dinner hour without substantial appetizers/food so it might work out better for you.
Have a great time!
Limo Princess
I am having a 30th birthday party for my husband. I am planning on paying for appetizers, how do I let the guests know that drinks and entrees are not paid for by me but are available if they choose?
Dear Tiffany,
You word the invitation along the lines of "Join us for appetizers at (wherever) from (whenever to whenever) for Husband's 30th birthday." CASH BAR This tells the invitees that only appetizers are taken care of and that they will have to pay for their own drinks. Nothing from nothing, why don't you have the party at your house--it would be MUCH cheaper than appetizers at a bar and you could theme it like a margarita party with nachos and a taco bar and a cake. It's generally considered rude to keep people through their dinner hour without substantial appetizers/food so it might work out better for you.
Have a great time!
Limo Princess
Etiquette for birthday party
Dear Limo Princess,
I am turning 60, single, no significant other, small condo (unfinished in decorating-and that's my profession), have not had an entire group of friends together except for maybe a dinner party of 6 (place is too small). This would be a nice time to get all of my friends together and take my mind off of this nasty birthday. Is it too presumptuious just to have them all gather of a restaurant and I pay for the entire thing (I would not have it any other way). I cannot depend on others to maybe 'throw me a party' - and is too much to ask of friends. The tally comes to approx. 18-24 people. I am also unemployed - I might be returning all of the dinners that my friends have supplied to me - and cheer me up. Is this tacky - I hate tacky with a vengiance. Thank you for your time and response.
Dear Arlene,
I think it sounds like a lot of fun! I have a zero-ended birthday coming up in December--I know how you feel! I don't think there's anything tacky about it, my sister and brother-in-law are always doing this sort of thing in restaurants and they are always fun. Word the invitations as "Come and be my guest at (wherever)for dinner and drinks" and I think it will be a great time for everyone. One thing to be aware of--most restaurants add the tip of 18% or so right on to the check in parties over 6 or 8 so don't pay the gratuity a second time or add a bit more for superb service.Happy Birthday and many happy returns!
I am turning 60, single, no significant other, small condo (unfinished in decorating-and that's my profession), have not had an entire group of friends together except for maybe a dinner party of 6 (place is too small). This would be a nice time to get all of my friends together and take my mind off of this nasty birthday. Is it too presumptuious just to have them all gather of a restaurant and I pay for the entire thing (I would not have it any other way). I cannot depend on others to maybe 'throw me a party' - and is too much to ask of friends. The tally comes to approx. 18-24 people. I am also unemployed - I might be returning all of the dinners that my friends have supplied to me - and cheer me up. Is this tacky - I hate tacky with a vengiance. Thank you for your time and response.
Dear Arlene,
I think it sounds like a lot of fun! I have a zero-ended birthday coming up in December--I know how you feel! I don't think there's anything tacky about it, my sister and brother-in-law are always doing this sort of thing in restaurants and they are always fun. Word the invitations as "Come and be my guest at (wherever)for dinner and drinks" and I think it will be a great time for everyone. One thing to be aware of--most restaurants add the tip of 18% or so right on to the check in parties over 6 or 8 so don't pay the gratuity a second time or add a bit more for superb service.Happy Birthday and many happy returns!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Graduation Parties
Dear Limo Princess,
If you have a graduation party (for High School) that is more formal and not an open house, what is the etiquette for gifts? If you didn't write anything on the invite about gifts, who would and who wouldn't bring gifts? Thanks!
Dear Joe,
Graduation gifts for High School are totally optional, no one is required or expected to bring a gift even though high school kids routinely use graduation as an opportunity to shamelessly fish for gifts. Mom and Dad might come up with a gift and maybe Grandma or Aunt Betty, but it's not a requirement--a "Congratulations" is all that is necessary to be socially proper. If someone wants to give a gift, it is entirely at their discretion and not required.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
If you have a graduation party (for High School) that is more formal and not an open house, what is the etiquette for gifts? If you didn't write anything on the invite about gifts, who would and who wouldn't bring gifts? Thanks!
Dear Joe,
Graduation gifts for High School are totally optional, no one is required or expected to bring a gift even though high school kids routinely use graduation as an opportunity to shamelessly fish for gifts. Mom and Dad might come up with a gift and maybe Grandma or Aunt Betty, but it's not a requirement--a "Congratulations" is all that is necessary to be socially proper. If someone wants to give a gift, it is entirely at their discretion and not required.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
high school graduation gift giving
Dear Limo Princess,
Our daughter is having her high school graduation open house soon and will be attending her friends' open houses. Do graduates usually gift each other when they attend open houses - it seems like it could get expensive plus they would just be passing money back and forth! Thanks! If we attend, of course, we would give a card with money but if she goes alone, does she need a gift?
Dear Tricia
Since she is attending an actual party, she should have a small thoughtful gift that should be chosen with the recipent in mind. I usually give a small box of personalized stationery to remind them to write or for thank you notes. A gift doesn't have to be expensive to be special!
Our daughter is having her high school graduation open house soon and will be attending her friends' open houses. Do graduates usually gift each other when they attend open houses - it seems like it could get expensive plus they would just be passing money back and forth! Thanks! If we attend, of course, we would give a card with money but if she goes alone, does she need a gift?
Dear Tricia
Since she is attending an actual party, she should have a small thoughtful gift that should be chosen with the recipent in mind. I usually give a small box of personalized stationery to remind them to write or for thank you notes. A gift doesn't have to be expensive to be special!
Get together invite goes horribly wrong!!
Dear Limo Princess,
We are having a get-together for some of our family and our next door neighbors (who are really good friends) on Sunday. Saturday, our neighbor asks us out of the blue if she can have her daughters (18) boyfriend attend also, and offered to bring extra food. We wanted to keep this shindig limited to who we offered verbal invites too, so we said no. She then proceeded to get mad and upset, through out the "well we're not family card" and said they would not be attending. My wife and I were totally shocked at her actions, and would like to know if we should apologize. We have a son (15) and he was told up front he would not be allowed to have any friends over. I don't see why we should allow someone's daughter to have her boyfriend over, when we are not allowing our son to have anyone over. After all, we did not invite the boyfriend, just the mom, dad, and daughter. Should we apologize, or is an apology owed to us? This has been irritating us, and we would like to know if we were in the wrong or not. P.S. - The daughter runs this household. Anytime she wants something, she pouts and moans and mopes and throws the guilt trip around until she gets her way. Her mother always gives in to her demands, and her dad gets ganged up on by mother and daughter when he tries to lay down the law. So he stays pretty neutral when things like this happen. She has already gotten 2 cars and 2 trips out of this, not to mention a face piercing, which her mother said she would never get as long as she lived in their house.
Dear Joey.
I'm afraid you aren't going to like my answer, but on the rude scale, you topped your neighbor. She was about a 1 and you were a 6 on the scale. While no one should ask a hostess if they can bring an extra guest, the neighbor girl who is OVER 18 and therefore an adult, should have been allowed to bring her boyfriend. Your son is 15 and I can understand your reasoning in not wanting kids, but you forgot that the girl next door IS an adult and to invite her to a party without allowing her to bring a date is rude because even though she's still "the little girl next door" to you, she's an adult. Either her boyfriend should have been included in the original invite or they should all have been excluded. Your neighbor even offered to bring extra food to make up for the extra person which was nice of her and the right thing to do and you were inhospitable. I'm surprised from your email that you behaved this way to a close friend and neighbor, I'm wondering if you let your dislike for this girl spill over into your relationship with her parents, but at any rate, it's done. I know it's difficult for you because your dislike of this girl is apparent even to me in such a short email, but she will leave home soon and you don't want to lose good friends because their child-rearing isn't up to your standards.You owe your neighbor an apology, and soon before you irreparably damage the friendship.
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Unfortunately, of course this isn't the answer I was looking for, but does the fact she turned 18 about 2 weeks ago make a difference? Also, her mother doesn't like her boyfriend, who is 15, and is not an adult, and am wondering if his age should be a factor, since my sons friends are also 15? Thanks for the response.
Dear Joey,
Well, actually that DOES make a difference as I presumed he would be at least 18, so that one's on me! I understand where you are coming from as I try to ban children from my parties, but when someone asks if they can bring a child(ren) I always say yes.Still, even though this brings you to a 3 instead of a 6, you still should be the one to institute the healing process. These people have been friends of yours for a long time--friends argue but they forgive--and someone has to make the first move with the olive branch. I'd suggest doing it with humor--take them a cake and tell them you brought it to them because your are having some tasty crow. It would be OK to leave in on the door when they aren't home which will keep them from being on the spot. Then let it go--you have extended an olive branch and it will be up to them to make the next move--and hopefully it will all be OK. I know you must be a good man because you didn't lambaste me when you didn't like my answer. 'This too shall pass' as someone much wiser once said, give it a little time and some baked goods and see what happens. I sincerely hope this works out for you and that you can patch things up with your neighbors!
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you so much for your help. This will guide us in the right direction. I think we will take your advice and start amends.
We are having a get-together for some of our family and our next door neighbors (who are really good friends) on Sunday. Saturday, our neighbor asks us out of the blue if she can have her daughters (18) boyfriend attend also, and offered to bring extra food. We wanted to keep this shindig limited to who we offered verbal invites too, so we said no. She then proceeded to get mad and upset, through out the "well we're not family card" and said they would not be attending. My wife and I were totally shocked at her actions, and would like to know if we should apologize. We have a son (15) and he was told up front he would not be allowed to have any friends over. I don't see why we should allow someone's daughter to have her boyfriend over, when we are not allowing our son to have anyone over. After all, we did not invite the boyfriend, just the mom, dad, and daughter. Should we apologize, or is an apology owed to us? This has been irritating us, and we would like to know if we were in the wrong or not. P.S. - The daughter runs this household. Anytime she wants something, she pouts and moans and mopes and throws the guilt trip around until she gets her way. Her mother always gives in to her demands, and her dad gets ganged up on by mother and daughter when he tries to lay down the law. So he stays pretty neutral when things like this happen. She has already gotten 2 cars and 2 trips out of this, not to mention a face piercing, which her mother said she would never get as long as she lived in their house.
Dear Joey.
I'm afraid you aren't going to like my answer, but on the rude scale, you topped your neighbor. She was about a 1 and you were a 6 on the scale. While no one should ask a hostess if they can bring an extra guest, the neighbor girl who is OVER 18 and therefore an adult, should have been allowed to bring her boyfriend. Your son is 15 and I can understand your reasoning in not wanting kids, but you forgot that the girl next door IS an adult and to invite her to a party without allowing her to bring a date is rude because even though she's still "the little girl next door" to you, she's an adult. Either her boyfriend should have been included in the original invite or they should all have been excluded. Your neighbor even offered to bring extra food to make up for the extra person which was nice of her and the right thing to do and you were inhospitable. I'm surprised from your email that you behaved this way to a close friend and neighbor, I'm wondering if you let your dislike for this girl spill over into your relationship with her parents, but at any rate, it's done. I know it's difficult for you because your dislike of this girl is apparent even to me in such a short email, but she will leave home soon and you don't want to lose good friends because their child-rearing isn't up to your standards.You owe your neighbor an apology, and soon before you irreparably damage the friendship.
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Unfortunately, of course this isn't the answer I was looking for, but does the fact she turned 18 about 2 weeks ago make a difference? Also, her mother doesn't like her boyfriend, who is 15, and is not an adult, and am wondering if his age should be a factor, since my sons friends are also 15? Thanks for the response.
Dear Joey,
Well, actually that DOES make a difference as I presumed he would be at least 18, so that one's on me! I understand where you are coming from as I try to ban children from my parties, but when someone asks if they can bring a child(ren) I always say yes.Still, even though this brings you to a 3 instead of a 6, you still should be the one to institute the healing process. These people have been friends of yours for a long time--friends argue but they forgive--and someone has to make the first move with the olive branch. I'd suggest doing it with humor--take them a cake and tell them you brought it to them because your are having some tasty crow. It would be OK to leave in on the door when they aren't home which will keep them from being on the spot. Then let it go--you have extended an olive branch and it will be up to them to make the next move--and hopefully it will all be OK. I know you must be a good man because you didn't lambaste me when you didn't like my answer. 'This too shall pass' as someone much wiser once said, give it a little time and some baked goods and see what happens. I sincerely hope this works out for you and that you can patch things up with your neighbors!
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you so much for your help. This will guide us in the right direction. I think we will take your advice and start amends.
Friday, May 30, 2008
How to deal with racist comments
Dear Limo Princess,
My MiL's partner occasionally makes the same comment about how amazed he is that I can speak English so well...I've been polite & responded that I am an American so there is nothing special about my speaking English. I've voiced this to my husband & he said not to be offended by it as the man is 80 years old & doesn't mean what he says; MiL told hubby she noticed the comments as well, but it's no use correcting him as he will forget what we said in 10 minutes. I'm a little worried as I was coerced into inviting this man to an important family event (MiL assumed they were both invited) & wonder how I should deal with it if it is repeated? I have kicked myself in the past for not being prepared to deal with the racist comments.
Dear Katherine,
Remarking to someone that their command of the English language is excellent is not a racist comment. A racist comment would be "You speak English so well for a (insert ethnic slur here)" and THEN you would have every right to be offended. So few people speak the language correctly these days that it is refreshing to come across someone who is well-spoken. Many people are very quick to take offense when none is intended, which is not to say that you were wrong, I wasn't there, so I must let your interpretation of the remark stand.A far more serious issue is that you assume that you can leave out your mother in law's companion when you invite her to a family event. You can tell your mother in law that your invitation to her does not include her partner, however, when you invite one half of a couple and not the other half, it will be you that will be serious breach of etiquette, and she will have every right to be offended. When you invite one member of a couple, it is assumed that the other member is also invited unless it is a gender specific event such as a bachelor party. So, unless you are prepared to deal with your mother in law's distress at being left out of the party you are stuck and I am sympathetic to your plight, but good manners dictate that you cannot invite one-half of a couple to a family social event.You have two options if this man makes rude remarks at your party and they are:1. Ignore them and consider the source as I am sure your other guests will do, or2. Politely ask him to leave.A lady never makes a scene. If wish to ask him to leave your party, have your husband go to him and ask to speak to him privately outside. Once outside, your husband asks him to leave, hands him his hat an coat and turns and walks back inside the party venue. Hopefully it will not come to that, but if it does, that is the proper way to handle it.I hope that your party is a success and that all goes well.Please feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance and again, chin up and take the high road!
Best of Luck, Limo Princess
My MiL's partner occasionally makes the same comment about how amazed he is that I can speak English so well...I've been polite & responded that I am an American so there is nothing special about my speaking English. I've voiced this to my husband & he said not to be offended by it as the man is 80 years old & doesn't mean what he says; MiL told hubby she noticed the comments as well, but it's no use correcting him as he will forget what we said in 10 minutes. I'm a little worried as I was coerced into inviting this man to an important family event (MiL assumed they were both invited) & wonder how I should deal with it if it is repeated? I have kicked myself in the past for not being prepared to deal with the racist comments.
Dear Katherine,
Remarking to someone that their command of the English language is excellent is not a racist comment. A racist comment would be "You speak English so well for a (insert ethnic slur here)" and THEN you would have every right to be offended. So few people speak the language correctly these days that it is refreshing to come across someone who is well-spoken. Many people are very quick to take offense when none is intended, which is not to say that you were wrong, I wasn't there, so I must let your interpretation of the remark stand.A far more serious issue is that you assume that you can leave out your mother in law's companion when you invite her to a family event. You can tell your mother in law that your invitation to her does not include her partner, however, when you invite one half of a couple and not the other half, it will be you that will be serious breach of etiquette, and she will have every right to be offended. When you invite one member of a couple, it is assumed that the other member is also invited unless it is a gender specific event such as a bachelor party. So, unless you are prepared to deal with your mother in law's distress at being left out of the party you are stuck and I am sympathetic to your plight, but good manners dictate that you cannot invite one-half of a couple to a family social event.You have two options if this man makes rude remarks at your party and they are:1. Ignore them and consider the source as I am sure your other guests will do, or2. Politely ask him to leave.A lady never makes a scene. If wish to ask him to leave your party, have your husband go to him and ask to speak to him privately outside. Once outside, your husband asks him to leave, hands him his hat an coat and turns and walks back inside the party venue. Hopefully it will not come to that, but if it does, that is the proper way to handle it.I hope that your party is a success and that all goes well.Please feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance and again, chin up and take the high road!
Best of Luck, Limo Princess
Sweet 16 invites- only want to have adults & teens
Dear Limo Princess,
Planning a surprise Hollywood theme Sweet 16 party (tent, rented chairs, tables, DJ) in backyard. Want to invite friends and neighbors, but don't want the 12 and under set (their kids) running around- can I state on the invitation children 13 and over? I will however have my neices and nephews from out of town ranging from 1/2 to 12 attending with their parents, but many of my friends liitle ones are wild and my I know my daughter (and me) do not want these kids running around. What do you think? What if friends have multiple children that range from tot to teen? Do I formally exclude the liitle ones?
Dear Theresa,
You are perfectly within your rights to choose whom you wish to have at your party, and clearly state on your invitation that the party is for teenagers 13 and over only. When the RSVPs begin coming in, tell the people that only those 13 and over are invited. The polite way to do this is to say: We are so glad that (Over 13 yr old) will be coming to the party, I have some names of great babysitters if you need help finding a sitter for (underage child)! The other way to do this politely is to send a specific invitation to each teen that is invited. When you speak to their parents, you can say something like "We are so glad that Samantha is able to come to the party." This should make it clear that it is an invitation for Samantha alone--not her younger siblings. You can then casually invite whichever adults you wish to have attend by telephone.
Planning a surprise Hollywood theme Sweet 16 party (tent, rented chairs, tables, DJ) in backyard. Want to invite friends and neighbors, but don't want the 12 and under set (their kids) running around- can I state on the invitation children 13 and over? I will however have my neices and nephews from out of town ranging from 1/2 to 12 attending with their parents, but many of my friends liitle ones are wild and my I know my daughter (and me) do not want these kids running around. What do you think? What if friends have multiple children that range from tot to teen? Do I formally exclude the liitle ones?
Dear Theresa,
You are perfectly within your rights to choose whom you wish to have at your party, and clearly state on your invitation that the party is for teenagers 13 and over only. When the RSVPs begin coming in, tell the people that only those 13 and over are invited. The polite way to do this is to say: We are so glad that (Over 13 yr old) will be coming to the party, I have some names of great babysitters if you need help finding a sitter for (underage child)! The other way to do this politely is to send a specific invitation to each teen that is invited. When you speak to their parents, you can say something like "We are so glad that Samantha is able to come to the party." This should make it clear that it is an invitation for Samantha alone--not her younger siblings. You can then casually invite whichever adults you wish to have attend by telephone.
Retirement Dinner Invitations
Dear Limo Princess,
I am putting together a surprise retirement party for a physician at a rather pricey restaurant. I would like to convey to individuals they are responsible for their own cocktails and dinner. Do I put this information in the invitation, if so how do I word this without sounding rude.
Dear Michele,
If you are sending invitations then it will be assumed that you are also picking up the tab for the dinner since invited guests are exactly that--guests.The proper way to do this is to telephone the people that you wish to attend and tell them group members are all meeting at the restaurant for dinner and Dr. Smith is attending and is unaware that people will be gathering there to wish him well in retirement and that you hope they will be able to join the celebration and that you have made arrangements at the restaurant for a group of people with separate checks. Then you ask if they will be able to attend as the restaurant will need a head count.It's not a retirement party unless the medical group/hospital or whomever is picking up the bill for the event.
I am putting together a surprise retirement party for a physician at a rather pricey restaurant. I would like to convey to individuals they are responsible for their own cocktails and dinner. Do I put this information in the invitation, if so how do I word this without sounding rude.
Dear Michele,
If you are sending invitations then it will be assumed that you are also picking up the tab for the dinner since invited guests are exactly that--guests.The proper way to do this is to telephone the people that you wish to attend and tell them group members are all meeting at the restaurant for dinner and Dr. Smith is attending and is unaware that people will be gathering there to wish him well in retirement and that you hope they will be able to join the celebration and that you have made arrangements at the restaurant for a group of people with separate checks. Then you ask if they will be able to attend as the restaurant will need a head count.It's not a retirement party unless the medical group/hospital or whomever is picking up the bill for the event.
Death of my doctors child
Dear Limo Princess,
My cardiologist, whom I've known for a decade or more has been pregnant with her second child over this past year. After delivery the baby developed complications and lingered in deteriorating health for three long months till he passed a week or so, ago. Although we are not close on a social basis, and aside from her obvious condition during her pregnancy and prior conversations about the new birth, baby names, its sex, how excited the sibling was etc. - she has not spoken about it since she has returned to her work after giving birth. She is in her early 30s and I in my late 80s. Our relationship is mostly professional, but she is dear to me on some level. She owns some of my art work and we have corresponded frequently over the years. I would like to express my condolence but know not how or the proper response, if any. Any help would be appreciated.
Kindest regards, Benno
Dear Benno,
A note from the heart will mean more to her than anything. I have tears in my eyes just from reading about your relationship and I am sure that you can write a note expressing your sympathy and support and it will mean a lot to her. Write it on your stationery in your own hand and mail it to her at home if you know the address and at her office if you don't. There are no words that will ease her heart at this time, but knowing that there are people who care enough to send a note will help her heal.
Sincerely,
Limo Princess
My cardiologist, whom I've known for a decade or more has been pregnant with her second child over this past year. After delivery the baby developed complications and lingered in deteriorating health for three long months till he passed a week or so, ago. Although we are not close on a social basis, and aside from her obvious condition during her pregnancy and prior conversations about the new birth, baby names, its sex, how excited the sibling was etc. - she has not spoken about it since she has returned to her work after giving birth. She is in her early 30s and I in my late 80s. Our relationship is mostly professional, but she is dear to me on some level. She owns some of my art work and we have corresponded frequently over the years. I would like to express my condolence but know not how or the proper response, if any. Any help would be appreciated.
Kindest regards, Benno
Dear Benno,
A note from the heart will mean more to her than anything. I have tears in my eyes just from reading about your relationship and I am sure that you can write a note expressing your sympathy and support and it will mean a lot to her. Write it on your stationery in your own hand and mail it to her at home if you know the address and at her office if you don't. There are no words that will ease her heart at this time, but knowing that there are people who care enough to send a note will help her heal.
Sincerely,
Limo Princess
"save the date" for birthday
Hi Limo Princess,
My children and I are planning a surprise 75th birthday party for my husband. It will be an evening of dinner and dancing at a restaurant/banquet venue for about 50 - 60 peopole. Some family and friends live several states away.Is it proper to send a "save the date" anouncement for a birthday party?If so, what about wording?
Thank you.
Mary
Dear Mary;
Absolutely--just send a "save the date" card and then the invitations about a month ahead so people can get reasonable plane fares. You can get "save the date" cards at many places and then fill them out and inside write "Fred's 75th birthday party".That should do it--and it sounds like a blast!! Have a great time and here's another hint--Wal-mart makes gorgeous wedding cakes and occasion cakes for MUCH less than anywhere and they are delicious! I got my wedding cake there--it was so beautiful--no one would believe it came from Wal-mart, it wasdelicious and it was $78!!
Absolutely--just send a "save the date" card and then the invitations about a month ahead so people can get reasonable plane fares. You can get "save the date" cards at many places and then fill them out and inside write "Fred's 75th birthday party".That should do it--and it sounds like a blast!! Have a great time and here's another hint--Wal-mart makes gorgeous wedding cakes and occasion cakes for MUCH less than anywhere and they are delicious! I got my wedding cake there--it was so beautiful--no one would believe it came from Wal-mart, it wasdelicious and it was $78!!
Graduate not participating in ceremony, but still graduating
Dear Limo Princess
My senior son was suspended from High School for a disciplinary infraction just three weeks before graduation. He is going to graduate, receive his diploma, and we are thankful for that. However, we were contemplating the appropriateness of having a reception to honor his achievements since he will not be able to walk through the ceremony. Is it appropriate? How would we word the invitations? It would be small to include close family and friends. Of course we can not use the expensive invitations with high school logo on them.Thanks for your advice. (I'm anxious to hear as we are talking about this school year (May 2008).
Dear LeeAnne,
A small party with close family and close friends will not be inappropriate, but I wouldn't make a giant production out of it. Send out small handwritten invitations and word them casually, something along the lines of: Dear Sue, As you know, our son John is graduating and we are having a small party to celebrate our baby getting ready to leave the nest! We hope that you and Sam can join us for the event on (date) at (time). We'd love to see you and are looking forward to catching up. Please let me know if you and Sam will be able to come!You would make no mention of the unpleasantness and of course it's up to them whether or not to bring a gift. Hope your party is a success!
Limo Princess
My senior son was suspended from High School for a disciplinary infraction just three weeks before graduation. He is going to graduate, receive his diploma, and we are thankful for that. However, we were contemplating the appropriateness of having a reception to honor his achievements since he will not be able to walk through the ceremony. Is it appropriate? How would we word the invitations? It would be small to include close family and friends. Of course we can not use the expensive invitations with high school logo on them.Thanks for your advice. (I'm anxious to hear as we are talking about this school year (May 2008).
Dear LeeAnne,
A small party with close family and close friends will not be inappropriate, but I wouldn't make a giant production out of it. Send out small handwritten invitations and word them casually, something along the lines of: Dear Sue, As you know, our son John is graduating and we are having a small party to celebrate our baby getting ready to leave the nest! We hope that you and Sam can join us for the event on (date) at (time). We'd love to see you and are looking forward to catching up. Please let me know if you and Sam will be able to come!You would make no mention of the unpleasantness and of course it's up to them whether or not to bring a gift. Hope your party is a success!
Limo Princess
Graduation parties
Question:
We are the parents of a high school senior who does not want to have a graduation party. We and our son have received invitations to 4 of his friend's parties. Are we supposed to bring a gift, even though we have a graduating senior ourselves?
Answer:
It is entirely up to you if you want to bring a gift or not. High School grads are notorious for sending tons of announcements to fish for gifts--it's reprehensible in my view. If you ATTEND a party for a grad then you should take a gift of your choosing--something like a savings bond would be OK--or whatever is in your budget. If you don't attend a party then you are not obligated for a gift unless you want to give one. It's sort of like the wedding gift if you go to the reception--even if your child is getting married the next week, you still take a gift.
Blessings, Limo Princess
We are the parents of a high school senior who does not want to have a graduation party. We and our son have received invitations to 4 of his friend's parties. Are we supposed to bring a gift, even though we have a graduating senior ourselves?
Answer:
It is entirely up to you if you want to bring a gift or not. High School grads are notorious for sending tons of announcements to fish for gifts--it's reprehensible in my view. If you ATTEND a party for a grad then you should take a gift of your choosing--something like a savings bond would be OK--or whatever is in your budget. If you don't attend a party then you are not obligated for a gift unless you want to give one. It's sort of like the wedding gift if you go to the reception--even if your child is getting married the next week, you still take a gift.
Blessings, Limo Princess
Graduation Celebration Guest Etiquette
My husband has been the basketball/baseball coach of a few kids that are now graduating high school. Each of them is having a separate celebration of their own (not on the same day). As invited guests, how long is an appropriate time for us to stay at each celebration? Is 30 minutes too short? Is 60 minutes too long?
Thanks, Tammy
He can stay as long as he likes or leave after congratulating the graduate and wishing him/her well. If you are having a good time, then you stay--you are invited guests--if not, then you leave. There's no rule as to minimum/maximum time at a party, however if the sun is coming up and everyone has gone to bed, you may have stayed a tad too long.
Enjoy,
Limo Princess
Thanks, Tammy
He can stay as long as he likes or leave after congratulating the graduate and wishing him/her well. If you are having a good time, then you stay--you are invited guests--if not, then you leave. There's no rule as to minimum/maximum time at a party, however if the sun is coming up and everyone has gone to bed, you may have stayed a tad too long.
Enjoy,
Limo Princess
husband doesn't answer/return calls
My husband often ignores calls that come in on his cell phone from his friends. He's not necessarily busy with anything at the time, he just doesn't feel like answering or talking to them and it's not like there are that many calls. We're talking about just a few friends. One friend frequently gets annoyed at this, because not only does he ignore the calls, but doesn't even return the call in a timely manner, or at all. Last night a friend he only talks to about once a month called and he again ignored it. Tonight I asked if he ever returned the call and he said he hadn't even listened to the message yet. I told him that I thought he was being rude and I was glad he wasn't one of my friends (I didn't mean it like it sounds of course). So am I out of line to think he should answer his friend's calls, or does the availability of caller id grant us that prerogative?
Dear Danica,
As you have noticed, there are very few calls. As time goes by there will be none at all since even the most devoted friend will abandon him eventually and he has only himself to blame. It's rude not to return phone calls when people leave messages but obviously he doesn't care or he'd return the calls. When he has no friends, you will know why. His behavior is no reflection on you and you aren't responsible for him so ignore it--there's nothing you can do anyway and he will learn what I have told you already in time. Obviously you are a lovely and polite person, but there's nothing you can do without antagonizing your husband, so let it go.
Dear Danica,
As you have noticed, there are very few calls. As time goes by there will be none at all since even the most devoted friend will abandon him eventually and he has only himself to blame. It's rude not to return phone calls when people leave messages but obviously he doesn't care or he'd return the calls. When he has no friends, you will know why. His behavior is no reflection on you and you aren't responsible for him so ignore it--there's nothing you can do anyway and he will learn what I have told you already in time. Obviously you are a lovely and polite person, but there's nothing you can do without antagonizing your husband, so let it go.
Charge admission to a party?
Dear Limo Princess,
My brother and future sister in law often throw parties at their house for their friends. We talked about having a bbq there for the holiday weekend and I offered to bring whatever they would like, all she needed to do was tell me beforehand. The night before the party I received a text message stating that there would be a $15 a person charge to attend. This is not the first time she has charged for dinner but since she hasn't tried in a while I assumed she had thought the better of it. I think it's tacky and am offended. Granted, they did put in the money for the food and beer, but we would have happily brought our own beer and made or brought anything that would be asked of us. Even if they had asked us to help front the bill earlier than the night before it wouldn't have been so offensive. I am considering not attending and unsure if it is my place to bring it up to her that asking people to pay a cover to come to your house is crass. I am concerned however that left unaddressed this will be a recurring issue in our relationship. I don't want to offend but I also don't want to be resentful or find excuses why we cannot attend. Is there a way to emerge from this gracefully?
Dear Reader,
I had to read your question three times and I am still horrified that someone could be so incredibly loutish as to use a social situation as an economic enterprise. Your FUTURE sister-in-law is in desperate need of a remedial course in social graces. I am convinced she was raised by wolves that were living behind the trailer park. It is about 23 light years PAST uncouth to charge someone to come to your home when they are there by your invitation--it is just simply NOT DONE--and I am amazed that ANYONE would attend anything at her home. Most certainly you should not attend this event and as for being worried about offending her I don't think it's possible for you to offend anyone who has the absolute gall to charge people for accepting an invitation. She is beyond being offended by anything short of human sacrifice and I'm wondering about that! There is NO SITUATION where charging people to attend a social event to which they were invited to is acceptable--NONE!! It is absolutely totally socially unacceptable in any situation to do this and your brother should really reconsider marrying this woman if he wants to keep his friends and family on speaking terms with him. The only socially acceptable way to share the cost of a social event is to ask people to bring a dish of whatever you ask them to make. I've hosted potlucks which are a lot of fun because I call it a recipe exchange which everyone loves because they get to taste a lot of things and get the recipes for ones they want to make in the future. There's a name for parties people are charged to attend, they are called fundraisers. People DO attend them by invitation but know they are expected to pay to attend from the beginning, they are for whatever cause and are tax deductible. Your way out of this is to tell your crass, rude and totally socially unacceptable future sister-in-law that you only attend fundraisers for causes that are tax-deductible. This will leave her speechless and baffled and might possibly clue her into the fact that she needs to learn social graces. With any luck she will do this immediately and spare your poor brother the lifetime of embarrassment that marrying this woman will heap on him. What will happen when he invites his boss for dinner? Will she present him with a bill at the end of the evening? It's too horrible to think about the many ways this woman will socially ostracize him, but perhaps he will come to his senses and insist she learn manners.
My brother and future sister in law often throw parties at their house for their friends. We talked about having a bbq there for the holiday weekend and I offered to bring whatever they would like, all she needed to do was tell me beforehand. The night before the party I received a text message stating that there would be a $15 a person charge to attend. This is not the first time she has charged for dinner but since she hasn't tried in a while I assumed she had thought the better of it. I think it's tacky and am offended. Granted, they did put in the money for the food and beer, but we would have happily brought our own beer and made or brought anything that would be asked of us. Even if they had asked us to help front the bill earlier than the night before it wouldn't have been so offensive. I am considering not attending and unsure if it is my place to bring it up to her that asking people to pay a cover to come to your house is crass. I am concerned however that left unaddressed this will be a recurring issue in our relationship. I don't want to offend but I also don't want to be resentful or find excuses why we cannot attend. Is there a way to emerge from this gracefully?
Dear Reader,
I had to read your question three times and I am still horrified that someone could be so incredibly loutish as to use a social situation as an economic enterprise. Your FUTURE sister-in-law is in desperate need of a remedial course in social graces. I am convinced she was raised by wolves that were living behind the trailer park. It is about 23 light years PAST uncouth to charge someone to come to your home when they are there by your invitation--it is just simply NOT DONE--and I am amazed that ANYONE would attend anything at her home. Most certainly you should not attend this event and as for being worried about offending her I don't think it's possible for you to offend anyone who has the absolute gall to charge people for accepting an invitation. She is beyond being offended by anything short of human sacrifice and I'm wondering about that! There is NO SITUATION where charging people to attend a social event to which they were invited to is acceptable--NONE!! It is absolutely totally socially unacceptable in any situation to do this and your brother should really reconsider marrying this woman if he wants to keep his friends and family on speaking terms with him. The only socially acceptable way to share the cost of a social event is to ask people to bring a dish of whatever you ask them to make. I've hosted potlucks which are a lot of fun because I call it a recipe exchange which everyone loves because they get to taste a lot of things and get the recipes for ones they want to make in the future. There's a name for parties people are charged to attend, they are called fundraisers. People DO attend them by invitation but know they are expected to pay to attend from the beginning, they are for whatever cause and are tax deductible. Your way out of this is to tell your crass, rude and totally socially unacceptable future sister-in-law that you only attend fundraisers for causes that are tax-deductible. This will leave her speechless and baffled and might possibly clue her into the fact that she needs to learn social graces. With any luck she will do this immediately and spare your poor brother the lifetime of embarrassment that marrying this woman will heap on him. What will happen when he invites his boss for dinner? Will she present him with a bill at the end of the evening? It's too horrible to think about the many ways this woman will socially ostracize him, but perhaps he will come to his senses and insist she learn manners.
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