Dear Limo Princess,
My husband and I were married December 29, 2007. We were engaged in June of that year. We had initially planned on having a large wedding because of our large families, while still keeping things simple. Our biggest wish is that everyone could be there. My husband is in the military and we found out that he would be going to S. Korea and that I would not be able to come with him even if we were married. I had three weeks to plan the wedding and it was a few days after Christmas. With that said it was at the court house with a small dinner afterwards, 35 people. I loved our wedding and I am so happily married to my husband.We have not yet lived together, though we've been a couple for many years, we are only 21. We will finally live together and will be just starting out as a married couple next March. We promised our friends and families that could not come to the wedding that we would have a vow renewal so that everyone could be a part of our new marriage. We are getting ready to start planning the vow renewal. I have read many etiquette tips that say that we should have our bridal party walk down the isle with us, we shouldn't do traditional dances, and that we shouldn't register for gifts. The things that we felt we missed out on were precisely those things, and even more so, being able to have ALL of our loved ones present. My mother in law wants to plan me a bridal shower since I never got one in anticipation on the renewal. My questions are, in this particular set of circumstances would it be rude to register for gifts, have a shower, have our bridal party walk down the isle, have our traditional dances, etc? We originally were basically calling our plans for this a "re-do" but instead decided that it would be nice to renew our vows at the same time, seeing as we will have spent a year apart. What is your advice on how I should go about this? We still don't want to go over the top, we want to rent a pavilion and have the ceremony with a Reverend followed by a chicken barbecue. How should I go about this?
Jenn
Jenn dear,
First, my congratulations and know that you have my respect, it is very difficult to be a military wife! Here's how we are going to do this so that it will be perfect and so that you will get to have the wedding you missed out on. First, there won't be a bridal shower--it's too late for that one, so make up for it at the baby shower somewhere down the road. Second, set a date, rent a hall, buy a dress, pick your bridesmaids, send invitations and register for gifts at wherever you like. Third, Word the invitations something like this (if your parents or parents and in-laws) are hosting the event:
Mr.& Mrs. John Jones
and
Mr. & Mrs. James Smith
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their children,
Jennifer and ?
at half past three on Saturday the 14th of ?
at the American Legion Hall (address)
A renewal of vows will be held before the reception.
The favour of a reply is requested before ______?
If your parents or his parents are divorced/remarried/whatever or you and your husband are hosting the event let me know and I will give you the correct form for the invitation.
Congratulations sweetie and best of everything!
Limo Princess
Showing posts with label extended family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label extended family. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Invitation to a funeral service
Dear Limo Princess,
Is it proper to invite people to a funeral? Who's supposed to send out said invitation, if it were? Should one RSVP?
Chongkie
Dear Chongkie,
You do not send invitations to a funeral. It will be announced in the newspapers and you will telephone people to tell them when the service will be. At the service, you will circulate and issue verbal invitations to return to wherever the post-funeral meal will be--usually at the home of the deceased. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sympathetically,
Limo Princess
Is it proper to invite people to a funeral? Who's supposed to send out said invitation, if it were? Should one RSVP?
Chongkie
Dear Chongkie,
You do not send invitations to a funeral. It will be announced in the newspapers and you will telephone people to tell them when the service will be. At the service, you will circulate and issue verbal invitations to return to wherever the post-funeral meal will be--usually at the home of the deceased. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sympathetically,
Limo Princess
Fathers Day Etiquette
Hello,I need some etiquette advice for fathers day. In 3wks I will be relocating to live with my boyfriend and his 10yr old daughter. They live 1.5hrs away from where I, and my extended family live. I will be there every weekend before my actual move date. I assumed I would spend fathers day with my father and he with his and his daughter. He is planning to go the cottage with his siblings and their spouses.We didnt discuss the day until I asked him to join my family for the bbq in my city. My dad has been a bit estranged from my family so we are working on that and I will be moving soon. My soon-to-be-common-law spouse is hurt and disappointed that I wil not be there to celebrate his day with him and his daughter. I feel fathers day is for fathers, just like his daughter and he with his dad. I just assumed I would spend it with my father, honestly not realzing he is expecting me to be there with him? I dont him to feel hurt but I also have my family.. Whats the norm....if there is one lol. (besides the obvious that he and I will need better communication and thought into planning holidays in the future haha)Thank you. I'm so confused!!
Dear Confused,
To be honest, this isn't an etiquette question, it's an advice question but I'm pretty good at those. You aren't married to this man yet, live-in and 3 bucks will get you a latte at Starbucks but your dad is always going to be your dad so you are going to have to make a compromise. Why don't you split the event? Take your dad to dinner the night before, make a big deal out of it with a reservation to a nice place, a gift, a card and daughterly devotion on a large scale and then spend the actual day with your boyfriend. I have a divorced parents and parents-in-law so I have much experience with amicably splitting up holidays! My husband is an only child so it can be complicated at times, and you need to decide WAY in advance where you are going to be spending holidays!!Best of Luck!!
Dear Confused,
To be honest, this isn't an etiquette question, it's an advice question but I'm pretty good at those. You aren't married to this man yet, live-in and 3 bucks will get you a latte at Starbucks but your dad is always going to be your dad so you are going to have to make a compromise. Why don't you split the event? Take your dad to dinner the night before, make a big deal out of it with a reservation to a nice place, a gift, a card and daughterly devotion on a large scale and then spend the actual day with your boyfriend. I have a divorced parents and parents-in-law so I have much experience with amicably splitting up holidays! My husband is an only child so it can be complicated at times, and you need to decide WAY in advance where you are going to be spending holidays!!Best of Luck!!
Birth of a Baby
Hi Limo Princess,
My best female friend's daughter is expecting next month...and as a single man, never married, no children...I now have to opportunity to be in attendance at the birth of her child. However, it's very unlikely that I will be in the birthing room...witnessing the event. It is very likely that I will be the only male in attendance. What is the protocol for someone like me...should I bring flowers, etc??? I am very very close to the family and the pregnant young lady and I want to do my best.Thanks!Ron P.S. I know I am probably in the wrong section...maybe you can point me in a right one! Ron
Dear Ron,
No, you are OK here, I can help you. The very best gift that is appreciated more than anything these days is disposable diapers for the baby. You don't need to bring anything to the actual birth, the mother will be exhausted and then drugged and the father is the one to hand out the traditional cigars. If you are invited to the bris or christening then of course you bring a gift for the baby, a savings bond is a traditional christening gift. Flowers for the mother would be nice as she will be in the hospital for a couple of days depending on whether or not they have to do a c-section--but you would treat this like any other hospitalization except the flowers would be more congratulatory than 'get well' type. I hope this answers your question, if you need further assistance let me know!
All the Best,
Limo Princess
My best female friend's daughter is expecting next month...and as a single man, never married, no children...I now have to opportunity to be in attendance at the birth of her child. However, it's very unlikely that I will be in the birthing room...witnessing the event. It is very likely that I will be the only male in attendance. What is the protocol for someone like me...should I bring flowers, etc??? I am very very close to the family and the pregnant young lady and I want to do my best.Thanks!Ron P.S. I know I am probably in the wrong section...maybe you can point me in a right one! Ron
Dear Ron,
No, you are OK here, I can help you. The very best gift that is appreciated more than anything these days is disposable diapers for the baby. You don't need to bring anything to the actual birth, the mother will be exhausted and then drugged and the father is the one to hand out the traditional cigars. If you are invited to the bris or christening then of course you bring a gift for the baby, a savings bond is a traditional christening gift. Flowers for the mother would be nice as she will be in the hospital for a couple of days depending on whether or not they have to do a c-section--but you would treat this like any other hospitalization except the flowers would be more congratulatory than 'get well' type. I hope this answers your question, if you need further assistance let me know!
All the Best,
Limo Princess
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Get together invite goes horribly wrong!!
Dear Limo Princess,
We are having a get-together for some of our family and our next door neighbors (who are really good friends) on Sunday. Saturday, our neighbor asks us out of the blue if she can have her daughters (18) boyfriend attend also, and offered to bring extra food. We wanted to keep this shindig limited to who we offered verbal invites too, so we said no. She then proceeded to get mad and upset, through out the "well we're not family card" and said they would not be attending. My wife and I were totally shocked at her actions, and would like to know if we should apologize. We have a son (15) and he was told up front he would not be allowed to have any friends over. I don't see why we should allow someone's daughter to have her boyfriend over, when we are not allowing our son to have anyone over. After all, we did not invite the boyfriend, just the mom, dad, and daughter. Should we apologize, or is an apology owed to us? This has been irritating us, and we would like to know if we were in the wrong or not. P.S. - The daughter runs this household. Anytime she wants something, she pouts and moans and mopes and throws the guilt trip around until she gets her way. Her mother always gives in to her demands, and her dad gets ganged up on by mother and daughter when he tries to lay down the law. So he stays pretty neutral when things like this happen. She has already gotten 2 cars and 2 trips out of this, not to mention a face piercing, which her mother said she would never get as long as she lived in their house.
Dear Joey.
I'm afraid you aren't going to like my answer, but on the rude scale, you topped your neighbor. She was about a 1 and you were a 6 on the scale. While no one should ask a hostess if they can bring an extra guest, the neighbor girl who is OVER 18 and therefore an adult, should have been allowed to bring her boyfriend. Your son is 15 and I can understand your reasoning in not wanting kids, but you forgot that the girl next door IS an adult and to invite her to a party without allowing her to bring a date is rude because even though she's still "the little girl next door" to you, she's an adult. Either her boyfriend should have been included in the original invite or they should all have been excluded. Your neighbor even offered to bring extra food to make up for the extra person which was nice of her and the right thing to do and you were inhospitable. I'm surprised from your email that you behaved this way to a close friend and neighbor, I'm wondering if you let your dislike for this girl spill over into your relationship with her parents, but at any rate, it's done. I know it's difficult for you because your dislike of this girl is apparent even to me in such a short email, but she will leave home soon and you don't want to lose good friends because their child-rearing isn't up to your standards.You owe your neighbor an apology, and soon before you irreparably damage the friendship.
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Unfortunately, of course this isn't the answer I was looking for, but does the fact she turned 18 about 2 weeks ago make a difference? Also, her mother doesn't like her boyfriend, who is 15, and is not an adult, and am wondering if his age should be a factor, since my sons friends are also 15? Thanks for the response.
Dear Joey,
Well, actually that DOES make a difference as I presumed he would be at least 18, so that one's on me! I understand where you are coming from as I try to ban children from my parties, but when someone asks if they can bring a child(ren) I always say yes.Still, even though this brings you to a 3 instead of a 6, you still should be the one to institute the healing process. These people have been friends of yours for a long time--friends argue but they forgive--and someone has to make the first move with the olive branch. I'd suggest doing it with humor--take them a cake and tell them you brought it to them because your are having some tasty crow. It would be OK to leave in on the door when they aren't home which will keep them from being on the spot. Then let it go--you have extended an olive branch and it will be up to them to make the next move--and hopefully it will all be OK. I know you must be a good man because you didn't lambaste me when you didn't like my answer. 'This too shall pass' as someone much wiser once said, give it a little time and some baked goods and see what happens. I sincerely hope this works out for you and that you can patch things up with your neighbors!
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you so much for your help. This will guide us in the right direction. I think we will take your advice and start amends.
We are having a get-together for some of our family and our next door neighbors (who are really good friends) on Sunday. Saturday, our neighbor asks us out of the blue if she can have her daughters (18) boyfriend attend also, and offered to bring extra food. We wanted to keep this shindig limited to who we offered verbal invites too, so we said no. She then proceeded to get mad and upset, through out the "well we're not family card" and said they would not be attending. My wife and I were totally shocked at her actions, and would like to know if we should apologize. We have a son (15) and he was told up front he would not be allowed to have any friends over. I don't see why we should allow someone's daughter to have her boyfriend over, when we are not allowing our son to have anyone over. After all, we did not invite the boyfriend, just the mom, dad, and daughter. Should we apologize, or is an apology owed to us? This has been irritating us, and we would like to know if we were in the wrong or not. P.S. - The daughter runs this household. Anytime she wants something, she pouts and moans and mopes and throws the guilt trip around until she gets her way. Her mother always gives in to her demands, and her dad gets ganged up on by mother and daughter when he tries to lay down the law. So he stays pretty neutral when things like this happen. She has already gotten 2 cars and 2 trips out of this, not to mention a face piercing, which her mother said she would never get as long as she lived in their house.
Dear Joey.
I'm afraid you aren't going to like my answer, but on the rude scale, you topped your neighbor. She was about a 1 and you were a 6 on the scale. While no one should ask a hostess if they can bring an extra guest, the neighbor girl who is OVER 18 and therefore an adult, should have been allowed to bring her boyfriend. Your son is 15 and I can understand your reasoning in not wanting kids, but you forgot that the girl next door IS an adult and to invite her to a party without allowing her to bring a date is rude because even though she's still "the little girl next door" to you, she's an adult. Either her boyfriend should have been included in the original invite or they should all have been excluded. Your neighbor even offered to bring extra food to make up for the extra person which was nice of her and the right thing to do and you were inhospitable. I'm surprised from your email that you behaved this way to a close friend and neighbor, I'm wondering if you let your dislike for this girl spill over into your relationship with her parents, but at any rate, it's done. I know it's difficult for you because your dislike of this girl is apparent even to me in such a short email, but she will leave home soon and you don't want to lose good friends because their child-rearing isn't up to your standards.You owe your neighbor an apology, and soon before you irreparably damage the friendship.
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Unfortunately, of course this isn't the answer I was looking for, but does the fact she turned 18 about 2 weeks ago make a difference? Also, her mother doesn't like her boyfriend, who is 15, and is not an adult, and am wondering if his age should be a factor, since my sons friends are also 15? Thanks for the response.
Dear Joey,
Well, actually that DOES make a difference as I presumed he would be at least 18, so that one's on me! I understand where you are coming from as I try to ban children from my parties, but when someone asks if they can bring a child(ren) I always say yes.Still, even though this brings you to a 3 instead of a 6, you still should be the one to institute the healing process. These people have been friends of yours for a long time--friends argue but they forgive--and someone has to make the first move with the olive branch. I'd suggest doing it with humor--take them a cake and tell them you brought it to them because your are having some tasty crow. It would be OK to leave in on the door when they aren't home which will keep them from being on the spot. Then let it go--you have extended an olive branch and it will be up to them to make the next move--and hopefully it will all be OK. I know you must be a good man because you didn't lambaste me when you didn't like my answer. 'This too shall pass' as someone much wiser once said, give it a little time and some baked goods and see what happens. I sincerely hope this works out for you and that you can patch things up with your neighbors!
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you so much for your help. This will guide us in the right direction. I think we will take your advice and start amends.
Friday, May 30, 2008
selling a gift, got busted!
Hello Limo Princess,
I have an etiquette question that is keeping me up at night...I am currently selling a lot of my knick-knacks and other things on E-bay. I am trying to declutter,raise money for a trip as well as pay for graduation gifts for a niece and nephew. My sisters-in-law found that I was selling something one of them gave me 5-6 years ago, and were very unhappy about it. They bid on the item and sent a few harsh comments my way via e-mail. I tried to call and talk to one of them about this, and she basically said it is something she would like to have to complete a collection and also that she wants to give it to her daughter, my niece. She said she was perfectly willing to rebuy it back, even though she had given it to me. She also said they did not mean anything by the threatening e-mails. ACKKK! She even stated that she just bid for the fun of it. I canceled the auction. I have no idea if my niece really wants this item, or if it's just my sister-in-law "yanking my chain"...but being as my niece is about to go to college, I was going to give her a check for whatever money I made on this, and a few other items I'm selling. Is there any way I can save face in this situation? I had actually thought selling the item, to benefit someone was a good thing, but I was obviously wrong. I also thought gifts are given as gifts and not expected back someday. How do I give this item to my niece? I'm sure my sisters-in-law have discussed this in front of her. Help!
Sincerely Yours, Marion
Dear Marion,
You poor thing! You kept this item for several years and since it's a knick-knack, obviously it's not something they gave you out of great sentiment for a special occasion. It's not like you are selling the family silver for heaven's sake, so stop beating yourself up over it. It was yours to do with as you pleased and if you want to sell it, that's entirely up to you. People sell things that other people gave them all the time--I traded in the car my dad bought me for my 16th birthday--nothing lasts forever. I could understand their behavior if it was a priceless family heirloom with tons of sentimental value--like great-grandma's diamond engagement ring; but not a little knick-knack. Re-gifting is a different matter, but that's not what happened here. The correct thing to do, now that your sisters-in-law have beaten you to death, would be to ask your niece if she truly wants this item, and if she does then give it to her with all the best wishes and tell the story at every holiday of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless family gift and laugh about it--as will everyone else--at your sisters-in-law.Now, I will address the egregious behavior of your sisters-in-law who are absolutely out of line here. They gave you a gift without mentioning that it came with strings attached, not because they thought you would enjoy it, and expected you to store it forever and be slobberingly grateful for the priviledge. A gift that is given with strings attached is not a gift at all, and your sisters-in-law are actually the ones out of line here, not you. It would behoove them greatly to get a better understanding of what a "gift" is and then for them to badger you because you are selling something they wanted--THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AS A GIFT--without consulting them is reprehensible. They are absolutely in the wrong to try to guilt you into giving back their gift and still claim it was a gift to you. They can't have it both ways, and to distress you to this degree is unforgivable and I hope that your niece is a better person than your sisters-in-law and that they are present every time you tell the story of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless gift.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
I have an etiquette question that is keeping me up at night...I am currently selling a lot of my knick-knacks and other things on E-bay. I am trying to declutter,raise money for a trip as well as pay for graduation gifts for a niece and nephew. My sisters-in-law found that I was selling something one of them gave me 5-6 years ago, and were very unhappy about it. They bid on the item and sent a few harsh comments my way via e-mail. I tried to call and talk to one of them about this, and she basically said it is something she would like to have to complete a collection and also that she wants to give it to her daughter, my niece. She said she was perfectly willing to rebuy it back, even though she had given it to me. She also said they did not mean anything by the threatening e-mails. ACKKK! She even stated that she just bid for the fun of it. I canceled the auction. I have no idea if my niece really wants this item, or if it's just my sister-in-law "yanking my chain"...but being as my niece is about to go to college, I was going to give her a check for whatever money I made on this, and a few other items I'm selling. Is there any way I can save face in this situation? I had actually thought selling the item, to benefit someone was a good thing, but I was obviously wrong. I also thought gifts are given as gifts and not expected back someday. How do I give this item to my niece? I'm sure my sisters-in-law have discussed this in front of her. Help!
Sincerely Yours, Marion
Dear Marion,
You poor thing! You kept this item for several years and since it's a knick-knack, obviously it's not something they gave you out of great sentiment for a special occasion. It's not like you are selling the family silver for heaven's sake, so stop beating yourself up over it. It was yours to do with as you pleased and if you want to sell it, that's entirely up to you. People sell things that other people gave them all the time--I traded in the car my dad bought me for my 16th birthday--nothing lasts forever. I could understand their behavior if it was a priceless family heirloom with tons of sentimental value--like great-grandma's diamond engagement ring; but not a little knick-knack. Re-gifting is a different matter, but that's not what happened here. The correct thing to do, now that your sisters-in-law have beaten you to death, would be to ask your niece if she truly wants this item, and if she does then give it to her with all the best wishes and tell the story at every holiday of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless family gift and laugh about it--as will everyone else--at your sisters-in-law.Now, I will address the egregious behavior of your sisters-in-law who are absolutely out of line here. They gave you a gift without mentioning that it came with strings attached, not because they thought you would enjoy it, and expected you to store it forever and be slobberingly grateful for the priviledge. A gift that is given with strings attached is not a gift at all, and your sisters-in-law are actually the ones out of line here, not you. It would behoove them greatly to get a better understanding of what a "gift" is and then for them to badger you because you are selling something they wanted--THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AS A GIFT--without consulting them is reprehensible. They are absolutely in the wrong to try to guilt you into giving back their gift and still claim it was a gift to you. They can't have it both ways, and to distress you to this degree is unforgivable and I hope that your niece is a better person than your sisters-in-law and that they are present every time you tell the story of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless gift.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
first communion party
Dear Limo Princess,
My daughter recently made her first communion. On the week of the mass, she was very ill, so we went to church for mass and canceled her party. I would like to have a reception now that she is feeling better, but do not know how to word the invites, only asking family and close friends --but feel that the occasion should be celebrated.
Answer:
I would telephone the previously invited guests and tell them that the new date for the party has been chosen and that you are looking forward to seeing them at the event! Give them some notice--don't schedule it for 2 days from now but a reasonable amount of time and then go ahead with the celebration.
Blessings, Limo Princess
My daughter recently made her first communion. On the week of the mass, she was very ill, so we went to church for mass and canceled her party. I would like to have a reception now that she is feeling better, but do not know how to word the invites, only asking family and close friends --but feel that the occasion should be celebrated.
Answer:
I would telephone the previously invited guests and tell them that the new date for the party has been chosen and that you are looking forward to seeing them at the event! Give them some notice--don't schedule it for 2 days from now but a reasonable amount of time and then go ahead with the celebration.
Blessings, Limo Princess
25th anniversary vow renewal ceremony
Dear Limo Princess,
My Mother and stepfather live in Arkansas and have decided to renew their vows and have a ceremony in September and have asked my eldest sister to plan the event and she agreed to do so. My sister and I both live in Kansas. The problem is that there was no discussion beforehand about who would pay for everything. My mother told my sister over the phone to call our step-brother in Florida and ask him to donate money and send it to her to help pay for expenses. My sister is very upset now that she realizes that Mom is expecting her to foot the bill, but she will not say anything to my mother because my Mom is and always has been a difficult person and is hard to get along with, she is pushy and argumentative. Mom also believes herself to be an expert on etiquette. My question is this: Is it proper for parents to expect their children to pay for a ceremony like this? My sister just got through spending hundreds of dollars on a retirement party for my real father, everyone was impressed, which is why Mom probably asked her to handle this event too. My sister and her husband are not wealthy, and we kids cannot afford to pay for this extravagant event. I asked my sister if she minded if I get involved and call my mom to help straighten this out before the invitations go out and my sister said NO, she is afraid another family feud will begin. My sister is very upset about this. Should I get involved, or stay out of it? HELP !
Answer:
The only way that your sister is obligated to pay for this is if it was HER idea. It is outrageous and incredibly rude for your mother to dream up this party and expect your sister to pay for it. It sounds like the only reason they are having this party to begin with is because they are jealous that your sister gave a party for your father. Your sister should write your mother a note and tell her that while she is delighted to help plan the party, her finances are not such that she can afford to pay for it. She might want to include a couple of estimates from a caterer of about what your mother can expect to have to pay for whichever type of party that she wishes to have. She should also make it clear that she has no intention of calling your stepbrother in Florida and extorting money from him. If your mother wants to renew her vows, that's lovely but it's her party and your sister is under NO obligation whatsoever to pay for a party she was coerced into planning. If Mom wants to dance and call the tune then she also needs to pay the piper. No one has the right to make you pay for a party just because you offered to help plan it, and it is preposterous to expect her to do so.
My Mother and stepfather live in Arkansas and have decided to renew their vows and have a ceremony in September and have asked my eldest sister to plan the event and she agreed to do so. My sister and I both live in Kansas. The problem is that there was no discussion beforehand about who would pay for everything. My mother told my sister over the phone to call our step-brother in Florida and ask him to donate money and send it to her to help pay for expenses. My sister is very upset now that she realizes that Mom is expecting her to foot the bill, but she will not say anything to my mother because my Mom is and always has been a difficult person and is hard to get along with, she is pushy and argumentative. Mom also believes herself to be an expert on etiquette. My question is this: Is it proper for parents to expect their children to pay for a ceremony like this? My sister just got through spending hundreds of dollars on a retirement party for my real father, everyone was impressed, which is why Mom probably asked her to handle this event too. My sister and her husband are not wealthy, and we kids cannot afford to pay for this extravagant event. I asked my sister if she minded if I get involved and call my mom to help straighten this out before the invitations go out and my sister said NO, she is afraid another family feud will begin. My sister is very upset about this. Should I get involved, or stay out of it? HELP !
Answer:
The only way that your sister is obligated to pay for this is if it was HER idea. It is outrageous and incredibly rude for your mother to dream up this party and expect your sister to pay for it. It sounds like the only reason they are having this party to begin with is because they are jealous that your sister gave a party for your father. Your sister should write your mother a note and tell her that while she is delighted to help plan the party, her finances are not such that she can afford to pay for it. She might want to include a couple of estimates from a caterer of about what your mother can expect to have to pay for whichever type of party that she wishes to have. She should also make it clear that she has no intention of calling your stepbrother in Florida and extorting money from him. If your mother wants to renew her vows, that's lovely but it's her party and your sister is under NO obligation whatsoever to pay for a party she was coerced into planning. If Mom wants to dance and call the tune then she also needs to pay the piper. No one has the right to make you pay for a party just because you offered to help plan it, and it is preposterous to expect her to do so.
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