Dear Limo Princess,
My husband and I were married December 29, 2007. We were engaged in June of that year. We had initially planned on having a large wedding because of our large families, while still keeping things simple. Our biggest wish is that everyone could be there. My husband is in the military and we found out that he would be going to S. Korea and that I would not be able to come with him even if we were married. I had three weeks to plan the wedding and it was a few days after Christmas. With that said it was at the court house with a small dinner afterwards, 35 people. I loved our wedding and I am so happily married to my husband.We have not yet lived together, though we've been a couple for many years, we are only 21. We will finally live together and will be just starting out as a married couple next March. We promised our friends and families that could not come to the wedding that we would have a vow renewal so that everyone could be a part of our new marriage. We are getting ready to start planning the vow renewal. I have read many etiquette tips that say that we should have our bridal party walk down the isle with us, we shouldn't do traditional dances, and that we shouldn't register for gifts. The things that we felt we missed out on were precisely those things, and even more so, being able to have ALL of our loved ones present. My mother in law wants to plan me a bridal shower since I never got one in anticipation on the renewal. My questions are, in this particular set of circumstances would it be rude to register for gifts, have a shower, have our bridal party walk down the isle, have our traditional dances, etc? We originally were basically calling our plans for this a "re-do" but instead decided that it would be nice to renew our vows at the same time, seeing as we will have spent a year apart. What is your advice on how I should go about this? We still don't want to go over the top, we want to rent a pavilion and have the ceremony with a Reverend followed by a chicken barbecue. How should I go about this?
Jenn
Jenn dear,
First, my congratulations and know that you have my respect, it is very difficult to be a military wife! Here's how we are going to do this so that it will be perfect and so that you will get to have the wedding you missed out on. First, there won't be a bridal shower--it's too late for that one, so make up for it at the baby shower somewhere down the road. Second, set a date, rent a hall, buy a dress, pick your bridesmaids, send invitations and register for gifts at wherever you like. Third, Word the invitations something like this (if your parents or parents and in-laws) are hosting the event:
Mr.& Mrs. John Jones
and
Mr. & Mrs. James Smith
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their children,
Jennifer and ?
at half past three on Saturday the 14th of ?
at the American Legion Hall (address)
A renewal of vows will be held before the reception.
The favour of a reply is requested before ______?
If your parents or his parents are divorced/remarried/whatever or you and your husband are hosting the event let me know and I will give you the correct form for the invitation.
Congratulations sweetie and best of everything!
Limo Princess
Showing posts with label wedding etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wedding etiquette. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
How to construct a message regarding monetary gift for wedding.
Dear Limo Princess,
My fiancé and I were getting married this 08-08-08 here in the Philippines. And we are having a hard time thinking of a polite word to say that we would appreciate more if our guests would give monetary gifts than gift items. Because after the wedding we will be settling in the States for good.Hope you could help us solve this problem. Thank you.
Dear Jowell,
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. Also, it is extremely difficult to get as job here without the proper work visas and green cards as the INS/ICE is cracking down very hard on employers who hire without papers and proper documentation. They are now giving employers prison time plus huge fines, so make sure all your documents are in order because if you overstay your tourist visa no one will hire you--it's not like it used to be.
Limo Princess
My fiancé and I were getting married this 08-08-08 here in the Philippines. And we are having a hard time thinking of a polite word to say that we would appreciate more if our guests would give monetary gifts than gift items. Because after the wedding we will be settling in the States for good.Hope you could help us solve this problem. Thank you.
Dear Jowell,
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. Also, it is extremely difficult to get as job here without the proper work visas and green cards as the INS/ICE is cracking down very hard on employers who hire without papers and proper documentation. They are now giving employers prison time plus huge fines, so make sure all your documents are in order because if you overstay your tourist visa no one will hire you--it's not like it used to be.
Limo Princess
Wedding Gift registry
Dear LimoPrincess,
My daughter lives in New York, but her wedding will be in Florida. She and her fiance' have decided not to register for gifts and would prefer either monetary gifts, visa or mastercard gift cards. How can I express this in the gift preferences card without be insulting or tacky to our guests?
Dear Mary
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. The upside is that since they have decided to have the wedding so far away from where the likely guests live, they won't have to worry about writing very many thank-you notes. Friends and family who do not attend the ceremony or reception are under no obligation to send gifts.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
Follow-up question:
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you for your reply, I understand the answer, but how do I adddress a registry card? In New York the standard has always been gifts at showers,monetary gifts at weddings. We have a mix of people from the south and mid west. They will ask about a gift registry,the B & G will not be registered. What do I list on the card in with the invites?
Answer:
You leave it blank, when people call and ask you tell them that the couple have not registered anywhere. You are not responsible for this--their behavior is no reflection on you, and if they don't register then they will receive gifts they may not want or find useful and they will have no one to blame but themselves. It will not increase the gift card/cash gift selection by not registering, it will just send the message that they don't want gifts. They need to register and if they don't then they will suffer the consequences. I know you are in a bad spot here and I feel for you, but if they refuse to register there's nothing you can do except let it go and they will learn the hard way. The most difficult part of being a parent is allowing your children to make preventable mistakes and then ignore you when you tell them how to avoid the consequences. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and own a franchise!
Limo Princess
My daughter lives in New York, but her wedding will be in Florida. She and her fiance' have decided not to register for gifts and would prefer either monetary gifts, visa or mastercard gift cards. How can I express this in the gift preferences card without be insulting or tacky to our guests?
Dear Mary
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. The upside is that since they have decided to have the wedding so far away from where the likely guests live, they won't have to worry about writing very many thank-you notes. Friends and family who do not attend the ceremony or reception are under no obligation to send gifts.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
Follow-up question:
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you for your reply, I understand the answer, but how do I adddress a registry card? In New York the standard has always been gifts at showers,monetary gifts at weddings. We have a mix of people from the south and mid west. They will ask about a gift registry,the B & G will not be registered. What do I list on the card in with the invites?
Answer:
You leave it blank, when people call and ask you tell them that the couple have not registered anywhere. You are not responsible for this--their behavior is no reflection on you, and if they don't register then they will receive gifts they may not want or find useful and they will have no one to blame but themselves. It will not increase the gift card/cash gift selection by not registering, it will just send the message that they don't want gifts. They need to register and if they don't then they will suffer the consequences. I know you are in a bad spot here and I feel for you, but if they refuse to register there's nothing you can do except let it go and they will learn the hard way. The most difficult part of being a parent is allowing your children to make preventable mistakes and then ignore you when you tell them how to avoid the consequences. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and own a franchise!
Limo Princess
Wedding invitation to retired military
Dear Limo Princess,
What is the correct way to address an lenvelope containing a wedding invitation for a retired military person and his wife? We have retired Colonel and his wife and a retired Lt. Colonel and his wife. Thank you. Carol Jean
Dear Carol Jean,
It really depends on the person. While they are entitled to be addressed by their previous military rank, many retired military choose not to be--case in point my father-in-law who prefers to be "Mr." and not "Colonel". Either way is correct though, so fear not--you will not be committing a faux pas either way.
Have a wonderful time at the wedding!
LimoPrincess
What is the correct way to address an lenvelope containing a wedding invitation for a retired military person and his wife? We have retired Colonel and his wife and a retired Lt. Colonel and his wife. Thank you. Carol Jean
Dear Carol Jean,
It really depends on the person. While they are entitled to be addressed by their previous military rank, many retired military choose not to be--case in point my father-in-law who prefers to be "Mr." and not "Colonel". Either way is correct though, so fear not--you will not be committing a faux pas either way.
Have a wonderful time at the wedding!
LimoPrincess
Saturday, May 31, 2008
No wedding gift after a year
Hello,We got married last year, and a year has passed; I have about 20 guests who still have not given us a gift, and some who haven't even sent a card. Is there anything that I can say to these guests? Weddings are very expensive, esp. in NYC! Pam
Dear Greedy for Gifts.
You don't ever mention it--you take it to your grave. They must NEVER find out that the only reason they were invited to your wedding was so you could extract an expensive gift. It would be far too cruel for them to find out that you care nothing for their wanting to celebrate your joy, only for a gift you are annoyed that you have not yet received.
Appalled beyond words,
Limo Princess
Dear Greedy for Gifts.
You don't ever mention it--you take it to your grave. They must NEVER find out that the only reason they were invited to your wedding was so you could extract an expensive gift. It would be far too cruel for them to find out that you care nothing for their wanting to celebrate your joy, only for a gift you are annoyed that you have not yet received.
Appalled beyond words,
Limo Princess
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wedding invitation accepted but now I can't go
Dear Limo Princess,
Have responded yes to wedding and as it getting closer to the date, we are unable to make it. what do I do?
Dear Peggy,
You should call the bride to be and tell her that you are terribly sorry but you will be unable to attend the wedding even though you though had previously accepted the invitation. Apologize profusely and tell her that you very much wanted to share her joy but that a situation has arisen that is both critical and beyond your control and that you hope she will forgive you for canceling at the last moment. You should also send a small gift even though you aren't attending the wedding since she will have to pay the caterer for your dinners whether you attend or not. It is considered extremely rude to cancel an invitation to a wedding that you have already accepted for all but the direst emergency. No reason to cancel an accepted invitation to go to a different social engagement in place of the invitation you previously accepted will do except the following:"We regret that we are unable to attend your wedding as we have been invited by the President of the United States to dinner at the White House".
Have responded yes to wedding and as it getting closer to the date, we are unable to make it. what do I do?
Dear Peggy,
You should call the bride to be and tell her that you are terribly sorry but you will be unable to attend the wedding even though you though had previously accepted the invitation. Apologize profusely and tell her that you very much wanted to share her joy but that a situation has arisen that is both critical and beyond your control and that you hope she will forgive you for canceling at the last moment. You should also send a small gift even though you aren't attending the wedding since she will have to pay the caterer for your dinners whether you attend or not. It is considered extremely rude to cancel an invitation to a wedding that you have already accepted for all but the direst emergency. No reason to cancel an accepted invitation to go to a different social engagement in place of the invitation you previously accepted will do except the following:"We regret that we are unable to attend your wedding as we have been invited by the President of the United States to dinner at the White House".
Wedding invitation--sort of?
I received an emailed wedding invitation, about a week before the wedding, addressed to a business group, rather than to me as an individual. The "cover email" states that the sender knows that the wedding is scheduled on a holiday weekend, so the sender wants us to be with our families, however, we can view the wedding on a website. The sender also included the sender's home address as an attachment. I have never received a wedding invitation of this sort. The person sending it is also a business acquaintance with substantial ability to dictate regarding my job. I assume that I am to send a gift?Thanks. Confused
Answer:
If one does not attend a wedding, then one is under no obligation to send a gift. The only exception is when you are close friends of trhe bride or groom and you WANT to send a gift.
Answer:
If one does not attend a wedding, then one is under no obligation to send a gift. The only exception is when you are close friends of trhe bride or groom and you WANT to send a gift.
25th anniversary vow renewal ceremony
Dear Limo Princess,
My Mother and stepfather live in Arkansas and have decided to renew their vows and have a ceremony in September and have asked my eldest sister to plan the event and she agreed to do so. My sister and I both live in Kansas. The problem is that there was no discussion beforehand about who would pay for everything. My mother told my sister over the phone to call our step-brother in Florida and ask him to donate money and send it to her to help pay for expenses. My sister is very upset now that she realizes that Mom is expecting her to foot the bill, but she will not say anything to my mother because my Mom is and always has been a difficult person and is hard to get along with, she is pushy and argumentative. Mom also believes herself to be an expert on etiquette. My question is this: Is it proper for parents to expect their children to pay for a ceremony like this? My sister just got through spending hundreds of dollars on a retirement party for my real father, everyone was impressed, which is why Mom probably asked her to handle this event too. My sister and her husband are not wealthy, and we kids cannot afford to pay for this extravagant event. I asked my sister if she minded if I get involved and call my mom to help straighten this out before the invitations go out and my sister said NO, she is afraid another family feud will begin. My sister is very upset about this. Should I get involved, or stay out of it? HELP !
Answer:
The only way that your sister is obligated to pay for this is if it was HER idea. It is outrageous and incredibly rude for your mother to dream up this party and expect your sister to pay for it. It sounds like the only reason they are having this party to begin with is because they are jealous that your sister gave a party for your father. Your sister should write your mother a note and tell her that while she is delighted to help plan the party, her finances are not such that she can afford to pay for it. She might want to include a couple of estimates from a caterer of about what your mother can expect to have to pay for whichever type of party that she wishes to have. She should also make it clear that she has no intention of calling your stepbrother in Florida and extorting money from him. If your mother wants to renew her vows, that's lovely but it's her party and your sister is under NO obligation whatsoever to pay for a party she was coerced into planning. If Mom wants to dance and call the tune then she also needs to pay the piper. No one has the right to make you pay for a party just because you offered to help plan it, and it is preposterous to expect her to do so.
My Mother and stepfather live in Arkansas and have decided to renew their vows and have a ceremony in September and have asked my eldest sister to plan the event and she agreed to do so. My sister and I both live in Kansas. The problem is that there was no discussion beforehand about who would pay for everything. My mother told my sister over the phone to call our step-brother in Florida and ask him to donate money and send it to her to help pay for expenses. My sister is very upset now that she realizes that Mom is expecting her to foot the bill, but she will not say anything to my mother because my Mom is and always has been a difficult person and is hard to get along with, she is pushy and argumentative. Mom also believes herself to be an expert on etiquette. My question is this: Is it proper for parents to expect their children to pay for a ceremony like this? My sister just got through spending hundreds of dollars on a retirement party for my real father, everyone was impressed, which is why Mom probably asked her to handle this event too. My sister and her husband are not wealthy, and we kids cannot afford to pay for this extravagant event. I asked my sister if she minded if I get involved and call my mom to help straighten this out before the invitations go out and my sister said NO, she is afraid another family feud will begin. My sister is very upset about this. Should I get involved, or stay out of it? HELP !
Answer:
The only way that your sister is obligated to pay for this is if it was HER idea. It is outrageous and incredibly rude for your mother to dream up this party and expect your sister to pay for it. It sounds like the only reason they are having this party to begin with is because they are jealous that your sister gave a party for your father. Your sister should write your mother a note and tell her that while she is delighted to help plan the party, her finances are not such that she can afford to pay for it. She might want to include a couple of estimates from a caterer of about what your mother can expect to have to pay for whichever type of party that she wishes to have. She should also make it clear that she has no intention of calling your stepbrother in Florida and extorting money from him. If your mother wants to renew her vows, that's lovely but it's her party and your sister is under NO obligation whatsoever to pay for a party she was coerced into planning. If Mom wants to dance and call the tune then she also needs to pay the piper. No one has the right to make you pay for a party just because you offered to help plan it, and it is preposterous to expect her to do so.
Wedding Video
I am the mother of the bride and I received a wedding video from a relation of the groom, who was also in the wedding. The only pictures of the bride was when she was with the groom or a member of the grooms family, it was as though she had no mother or family members. The video was filled with pictures of the family members that took the video. I realize that is not uncommon, but my question is should I have received a copy of this video, it hurt my feelings.
Answer:
Oh dear. It should not have hurt your feelings, everyone videos the part of the wedding that they are interested in, and they are trying to be thoughtful by sending you a copy of the video. If you look at the video taken by someone from your side of the family, there will be a preponderance of photos from your side of the family, that's just human nature. They wanted to share the photos of your lovely daughter at her beautiful wedding with her new family members--they didn't mean any harm. Please Nora--take it in the spirit in which it was intended and enjoy it--after all, you already know what all your relatives look like--now you will recognize your daughters in-laws when you see them again at her home in years to come. Don't take it as a slight--it wasn't meant that way and the people who sent it to you would be CRUSHED if they thought they had upset you. After all, they just wanted to share it with you and it was a nice gesture on their part--most people wouldn't even have bothered.
Answer:
Oh dear. It should not have hurt your feelings, everyone videos the part of the wedding that they are interested in, and they are trying to be thoughtful by sending you a copy of the video. If you look at the video taken by someone from your side of the family, there will be a preponderance of photos from your side of the family, that's just human nature. They wanted to share the photos of your lovely daughter at her beautiful wedding with her new family members--they didn't mean any harm. Please Nora--take it in the spirit in which it was intended and enjoy it--after all, you already know what all your relatives look like--now you will recognize your daughters in-laws when you see them again at her home in years to come. Don't take it as a slight--it wasn't meant that way and the people who sent it to you would be CRUSHED if they thought they had upset you. After all, they just wanted to share it with you and it was a nice gesture on their part--most people wouldn't even have bothered.
gift trip question
Hello, I am in a quandry about this situation. I just bought my husband a trip to the US Open in San Diego for Fathers Day. The trip is for two; airfare, car rental, hotel and US Open entry fees. He wants to ask a friend to go with him and charge him half the amount I paid. He figures he paid for it even tho I bought it and no one should get to go for free! I do not feel this way at all. If I get a trip, I will choose to take a friend and not dream of asking them to pay for it. If they want to buy me dinner and maybe some gas, that would be great. What do you think? Thank you for your help!
Colleen dear,Men are different in many ways from us and this situation demonstrates it perfectly. Keep in mind that with most married couples, men view all the household income as "OUR" money. Although I agree with your point of view and would do it the same way, men view this sort of thing differently than we do--and I'd bet my life that your husband presented the opportunity to his buddy along the lines of: "Hey John--I got some tickets to the US Open--wanna go with and split the cost?" to which his buddy said "Oh cool--I'm there, let me know what my half is and I'll give you a check/cash for it" because this is how men do things. It wasn't presented the way we would do it which is to say: "Jane--my husband gave me a trip for two to the spa in San Diego and I want you to come along as my guest." If a man said that to another man it would be viewed as a come-on for some unmentionable acts--it's a gender thing--and the friendship would be irreparably harmed. Close your eyes and ears to it and let it go--after all, a gift with strings isn't a gift so let him do as he wishes. This situation, like so many others, is one that causes women to shake our heads and say "MEN." in the tone we all instantly recognize and understand.
All the Best,
LimoPrincess
Colleen dear,Men are different in many ways from us and this situation demonstrates it perfectly. Keep in mind that with most married couples, men view all the household income as "OUR" money. Although I agree with your point of view and would do it the same way, men view this sort of thing differently than we do--and I'd bet my life that your husband presented the opportunity to his buddy along the lines of: "Hey John--I got some tickets to the US Open--wanna go with and split the cost?" to which his buddy said "Oh cool--I'm there, let me know what my half is and I'll give you a check/cash for it" because this is how men do things. It wasn't presented the way we would do it which is to say: "Jane--my husband gave me a trip for two to the spa in San Diego and I want you to come along as my guest." If a man said that to another man it would be viewed as a come-on for some unmentionable acts--it's a gender thing--and the friendship would be irreparably harmed. Close your eyes and ears to it and let it go--after all, a gift with strings isn't a gift so let him do as he wishes. This situation, like so many others, is one that causes women to shake our heads and say "MEN." in the tone we all instantly recognize and understand.
All the Best,
LimoPrincess
RSVP protocol-out of country wedding
Question:
Hello-My cousin is getting married this September in Italy,-where he lives(and was born and raised.) Many of the extended family lives in the United States. He has invited many of those family members in the states to attemd wedding in Italy. While some have said they will be going, others have been non-committal,or have said no, due to the cost and logisitics of making the trip. This is a person who visited us with his sisters many times when he was younger. This brings me to the question: What is the proper protocol for RSVPing to a wedding in a different country that involves significant travel and expense? We have received email invites, and I am still am trying to see if I can go to this September wedding. No deadline was set on the RSVP. How long is it appropriate to wait to tell the hosts I can or cannot go? The wedding is still 3 months away. Sincerely,-JohnSeattle, WA
Dear John,
Usually the wedding invitation indicates a date by which they must receive the reply, usually worded "The favour of a reply is requested by (Date)". When this is not included, at least 30 days before the wedding is when the caterer needs to have a final head count of the attendees. If the wedding is September 15, one should reply yes or no by August 15th. It sounds like a fun time, I hope you are able to attend!
Limo Princess
Hello-My cousin is getting married this September in Italy,-where he lives(and was born and raised.) Many of the extended family lives in the United States. He has invited many of those family members in the states to attemd wedding in Italy. While some have said they will be going, others have been non-committal,or have said no, due to the cost and logisitics of making the trip. This is a person who visited us with his sisters many times when he was younger. This brings me to the question: What is the proper protocol for RSVPing to a wedding in a different country that involves significant travel and expense? We have received email invites, and I am still am trying to see if I can go to this September wedding. No deadline was set on the RSVP. How long is it appropriate to wait to tell the hosts I can or cannot go? The wedding is still 3 months away. Sincerely,-JohnSeattle, WA
Dear John,
Usually the wedding invitation indicates a date by which they must receive the reply, usually worded "The favour of a reply is requested by (Date)". When this is not included, at least 30 days before the wedding is when the caterer needs to have a final head count of the attendees. If the wedding is September 15, one should reply yes or no by August 15th. It sounds like a fun time, I hope you are able to attend!
Limo Princess
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
