Dear Limo Princess,
My husband and I were married December 29, 2007. We were engaged in June of that year. We had initially planned on having a large wedding because of our large families, while still keeping things simple. Our biggest wish is that everyone could be there. My husband is in the military and we found out that he would be going to S. Korea and that I would not be able to come with him even if we were married. I had three weeks to plan the wedding and it was a few days after Christmas. With that said it was at the court house with a small dinner afterwards, 35 people. I loved our wedding and I am so happily married to my husband.We have not yet lived together, though we've been a couple for many years, we are only 21. We will finally live together and will be just starting out as a married couple next March. We promised our friends and families that could not come to the wedding that we would have a vow renewal so that everyone could be a part of our new marriage. We are getting ready to start planning the vow renewal. I have read many etiquette tips that say that we should have our bridal party walk down the isle with us, we shouldn't do traditional dances, and that we shouldn't register for gifts. The things that we felt we missed out on were precisely those things, and even more so, being able to have ALL of our loved ones present. My mother in law wants to plan me a bridal shower since I never got one in anticipation on the renewal. My questions are, in this particular set of circumstances would it be rude to register for gifts, have a shower, have our bridal party walk down the isle, have our traditional dances, etc? We originally were basically calling our plans for this a "re-do" but instead decided that it would be nice to renew our vows at the same time, seeing as we will have spent a year apart. What is your advice on how I should go about this? We still don't want to go over the top, we want to rent a pavilion and have the ceremony with a Reverend followed by a chicken barbecue. How should I go about this?
Jenn
Jenn dear,
First, my congratulations and know that you have my respect, it is very difficult to be a military wife! Here's how we are going to do this so that it will be perfect and so that you will get to have the wedding you missed out on. First, there won't be a bridal shower--it's too late for that one, so make up for it at the baby shower somewhere down the road. Second, set a date, rent a hall, buy a dress, pick your bridesmaids, send invitations and register for gifts at wherever you like. Third, Word the invitations something like this (if your parents or parents and in-laws) are hosting the event:
Mr.& Mrs. John Jones
and
Mr. & Mrs. James Smith
Request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of their children,
Jennifer and ?
at half past three on Saturday the 14th of ?
at the American Legion Hall (address)
A renewal of vows will be held before the reception.
The favour of a reply is requested before ______?
If your parents or his parents are divorced/remarried/whatever or you and your husband are hosting the event let me know and I will give you the correct form for the invitation.
Congratulations sweetie and best of everything!
Limo Princess
Showing posts with label Gifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gifts. Show all posts
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
50th Wedding Anniversary Etiquette
Dear Limo Princess,
My husband and I will be celebrating our 50th anniversary on July 5, 2008. We have family out of state and we would like to send them an announcement regarding our anniversary. How do we do this, or should it be from one of our children? We are not having a large party but small ones inviting people to a lunch at the beach house rented for us by our daughter. You might ask if I am looking for gifts. My answer is they would be appreciated if sent. Do I mention gifts are acceptable---that feels really weird and not appropriate. I need some help as to the best way to handle this. Thank you.appreciate your input.
Dear Terry,
Yours is an unusual question, I think that every golden anniversary question I've received in the past has been how to keep people from sending gifts! Unless you are having a large party to celebrate, an announcement would seem to be gift fishing. Send invitations to the events you are having and of course prompt thank-you notes for all gifts received. Congratulations on your anniversary!
My husband and I will be celebrating our 50th anniversary on July 5, 2008. We have family out of state and we would like to send them an announcement regarding our anniversary. How do we do this, or should it be from one of our children? We are not having a large party but small ones inviting people to a lunch at the beach house rented for us by our daughter. You might ask if I am looking for gifts. My answer is they would be appreciated if sent. Do I mention gifts are acceptable---that feels really weird and not appropriate. I need some help as to the best way to handle this. Thank you.appreciate your input.
Dear Terry,
Yours is an unusual question, I think that every golden anniversary question I've received in the past has been how to keep people from sending gifts! Unless you are having a large party to celebrate, an announcement would seem to be gift fishing. Send invitations to the events you are having and of course prompt thank-you notes for all gifts received. Congratulations on your anniversary!
How to construct a message regarding monetary gift for wedding.
Dear Limo Princess,
My fiancé and I were getting married this 08-08-08 here in the Philippines. And we are having a hard time thinking of a polite word to say that we would appreciate more if our guests would give monetary gifts than gift items. Because after the wedding we will be settling in the States for good.Hope you could help us solve this problem. Thank you.
Dear Jowell,
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. Also, it is extremely difficult to get as job here without the proper work visas and green cards as the INS/ICE is cracking down very hard on employers who hire without papers and proper documentation. They are now giving employers prison time plus huge fines, so make sure all your documents are in order because if you overstay your tourist visa no one will hire you--it's not like it used to be.
Limo Princess
My fiancé and I were getting married this 08-08-08 here in the Philippines. And we are having a hard time thinking of a polite word to say that we would appreciate more if our guests would give monetary gifts than gift items. Because after the wedding we will be settling in the States for good.Hope you could help us solve this problem. Thank you.
Dear Jowell,
You can't. It is the height of bad manners to ask for cash gifts. Also, it is extremely difficult to get as job here without the proper work visas and green cards as the INS/ICE is cracking down very hard on employers who hire without papers and proper documentation. They are now giving employers prison time plus huge fines, so make sure all your documents are in order because if you overstay your tourist visa no one will hire you--it's not like it used to be.
Limo Princess
Birth of a Baby
Hi Limo Princess,
My best female friend's daughter is expecting next month...and as a single man, never married, no children...I now have to opportunity to be in attendance at the birth of her child. However, it's very unlikely that I will be in the birthing room...witnessing the event. It is very likely that I will be the only male in attendance. What is the protocol for someone like me...should I bring flowers, etc??? I am very very close to the family and the pregnant young lady and I want to do my best.Thanks!Ron P.S. I know I am probably in the wrong section...maybe you can point me in a right one! Ron
Dear Ron,
No, you are OK here, I can help you. The very best gift that is appreciated more than anything these days is disposable diapers for the baby. You don't need to bring anything to the actual birth, the mother will be exhausted and then drugged and the father is the one to hand out the traditional cigars. If you are invited to the bris or christening then of course you bring a gift for the baby, a savings bond is a traditional christening gift. Flowers for the mother would be nice as she will be in the hospital for a couple of days depending on whether or not they have to do a c-section--but you would treat this like any other hospitalization except the flowers would be more congratulatory than 'get well' type. I hope this answers your question, if you need further assistance let me know!
All the Best,
Limo Princess
My best female friend's daughter is expecting next month...and as a single man, never married, no children...I now have to opportunity to be in attendance at the birth of her child. However, it's very unlikely that I will be in the birthing room...witnessing the event. It is very likely that I will be the only male in attendance. What is the protocol for someone like me...should I bring flowers, etc??? I am very very close to the family and the pregnant young lady and I want to do my best.Thanks!Ron P.S. I know I am probably in the wrong section...maybe you can point me in a right one! Ron
Dear Ron,
No, you are OK here, I can help you. The very best gift that is appreciated more than anything these days is disposable diapers for the baby. You don't need to bring anything to the actual birth, the mother will be exhausted and then drugged and the father is the one to hand out the traditional cigars. If you are invited to the bris or christening then of course you bring a gift for the baby, a savings bond is a traditional christening gift. Flowers for the mother would be nice as she will be in the hospital for a couple of days depending on whether or not they have to do a c-section--but you would treat this like any other hospitalization except the flowers would be more congratulatory than 'get well' type. I hope this answers your question, if you need further assistance let me know!
All the Best,
Limo Princess
Etiquette for birthday party
Dear Limo Princess,
I am turning 60, single, no significant other, small condo (unfinished in decorating-and that's my profession), have not had an entire group of friends together except for maybe a dinner party of 6 (place is too small). This would be a nice time to get all of my friends together and take my mind off of this nasty birthday. Is it too presumptuious just to have them all gather of a restaurant and I pay for the entire thing (I would not have it any other way). I cannot depend on others to maybe 'throw me a party' - and is too much to ask of friends. The tally comes to approx. 18-24 people. I am also unemployed - I might be returning all of the dinners that my friends have supplied to me - and cheer me up. Is this tacky - I hate tacky with a vengiance. Thank you for your time and response.
Dear Arlene,
I think it sounds like a lot of fun! I have a zero-ended birthday coming up in December--I know how you feel! I don't think there's anything tacky about it, my sister and brother-in-law are always doing this sort of thing in restaurants and they are always fun. Word the invitations as "Come and be my guest at (wherever)for dinner and drinks" and I think it will be a great time for everyone. One thing to be aware of--most restaurants add the tip of 18% or so right on to the check in parties over 6 or 8 so don't pay the gratuity a second time or add a bit more for superb service.Happy Birthday and many happy returns!
I am turning 60, single, no significant other, small condo (unfinished in decorating-and that's my profession), have not had an entire group of friends together except for maybe a dinner party of 6 (place is too small). This would be a nice time to get all of my friends together and take my mind off of this nasty birthday. Is it too presumptuious just to have them all gather of a restaurant and I pay for the entire thing (I would not have it any other way). I cannot depend on others to maybe 'throw me a party' - and is too much to ask of friends. The tally comes to approx. 18-24 people. I am also unemployed - I might be returning all of the dinners that my friends have supplied to me - and cheer me up. Is this tacky - I hate tacky with a vengiance. Thank you for your time and response.
Dear Arlene,
I think it sounds like a lot of fun! I have a zero-ended birthday coming up in December--I know how you feel! I don't think there's anything tacky about it, my sister and brother-in-law are always doing this sort of thing in restaurants and they are always fun. Word the invitations as "Come and be my guest at (wherever)for dinner and drinks" and I think it will be a great time for everyone. One thing to be aware of--most restaurants add the tip of 18% or so right on to the check in parties over 6 or 8 so don't pay the gratuity a second time or add a bit more for superb service.Happy Birthday and many happy returns!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Graduation Parties
Dear Limo Princess,
If you have a graduation party (for High School) that is more formal and not an open house, what is the etiquette for gifts? If you didn't write anything on the invite about gifts, who would and who wouldn't bring gifts? Thanks!
Dear Joe,
Graduation gifts for High School are totally optional, no one is required or expected to bring a gift even though high school kids routinely use graduation as an opportunity to shamelessly fish for gifts. Mom and Dad might come up with a gift and maybe Grandma or Aunt Betty, but it's not a requirement--a "Congratulations" is all that is necessary to be socially proper. If someone wants to give a gift, it is entirely at their discretion and not required.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
If you have a graduation party (for High School) that is more formal and not an open house, what is the etiquette for gifts? If you didn't write anything on the invite about gifts, who would and who wouldn't bring gifts? Thanks!
Dear Joe,
Graduation gifts for High School are totally optional, no one is required or expected to bring a gift even though high school kids routinely use graduation as an opportunity to shamelessly fish for gifts. Mom and Dad might come up with a gift and maybe Grandma or Aunt Betty, but it's not a requirement--a "Congratulations" is all that is necessary to be socially proper. If someone wants to give a gift, it is entirely at their discretion and not required.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
high school graduation gift giving
Dear Limo Princess,
Our daughter is having her high school graduation open house soon and will be attending her friends' open houses. Do graduates usually gift each other when they attend open houses - it seems like it could get expensive plus they would just be passing money back and forth! Thanks! If we attend, of course, we would give a card with money but if she goes alone, does she need a gift?
Dear Tricia
Since she is attending an actual party, she should have a small thoughtful gift that should be chosen with the recipent in mind. I usually give a small box of personalized stationery to remind them to write or for thank you notes. A gift doesn't have to be expensive to be special!
Our daughter is having her high school graduation open house soon and will be attending her friends' open houses. Do graduates usually gift each other when they attend open houses - it seems like it could get expensive plus they would just be passing money back and forth! Thanks! If we attend, of course, we would give a card with money but if she goes alone, does she need a gift?
Dear Tricia
Since she is attending an actual party, she should have a small thoughtful gift that should be chosen with the recipent in mind. I usually give a small box of personalized stationery to remind them to write or for thank you notes. A gift doesn't have to be expensive to be special!
No wedding gift after a year
Hello,We got married last year, and a year has passed; I have about 20 guests who still have not given us a gift, and some who haven't even sent a card. Is there anything that I can say to these guests? Weddings are very expensive, esp. in NYC! Pam
Dear Greedy for Gifts.
You don't ever mention it--you take it to your grave. They must NEVER find out that the only reason they were invited to your wedding was so you could extract an expensive gift. It would be far too cruel for them to find out that you care nothing for their wanting to celebrate your joy, only for a gift you are annoyed that you have not yet received.
Appalled beyond words,
Limo Princess
Dear Greedy for Gifts.
You don't ever mention it--you take it to your grave. They must NEVER find out that the only reason they were invited to your wedding was so you could extract an expensive gift. It would be far too cruel for them to find out that you care nothing for their wanting to celebrate your joy, only for a gift you are annoyed that you have not yet received.
Appalled beyond words,
Limo Princess
Friday, May 30, 2008
selling a gift, got busted!
Hello Limo Princess,
I have an etiquette question that is keeping me up at night...I am currently selling a lot of my knick-knacks and other things on E-bay. I am trying to declutter,raise money for a trip as well as pay for graduation gifts for a niece and nephew. My sisters-in-law found that I was selling something one of them gave me 5-6 years ago, and were very unhappy about it. They bid on the item and sent a few harsh comments my way via e-mail. I tried to call and talk to one of them about this, and she basically said it is something she would like to have to complete a collection and also that she wants to give it to her daughter, my niece. She said she was perfectly willing to rebuy it back, even though she had given it to me. She also said they did not mean anything by the threatening e-mails. ACKKK! She even stated that she just bid for the fun of it. I canceled the auction. I have no idea if my niece really wants this item, or if it's just my sister-in-law "yanking my chain"...but being as my niece is about to go to college, I was going to give her a check for whatever money I made on this, and a few other items I'm selling. Is there any way I can save face in this situation? I had actually thought selling the item, to benefit someone was a good thing, but I was obviously wrong. I also thought gifts are given as gifts and not expected back someday. How do I give this item to my niece? I'm sure my sisters-in-law have discussed this in front of her. Help!
Sincerely Yours, Marion
Dear Marion,
You poor thing! You kept this item for several years and since it's a knick-knack, obviously it's not something they gave you out of great sentiment for a special occasion. It's not like you are selling the family silver for heaven's sake, so stop beating yourself up over it. It was yours to do with as you pleased and if you want to sell it, that's entirely up to you. People sell things that other people gave them all the time--I traded in the car my dad bought me for my 16th birthday--nothing lasts forever. I could understand their behavior if it was a priceless family heirloom with tons of sentimental value--like great-grandma's diamond engagement ring; but not a little knick-knack. Re-gifting is a different matter, but that's not what happened here. The correct thing to do, now that your sisters-in-law have beaten you to death, would be to ask your niece if she truly wants this item, and if she does then give it to her with all the best wishes and tell the story at every holiday of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless family gift and laugh about it--as will everyone else--at your sisters-in-law.Now, I will address the egregious behavior of your sisters-in-law who are absolutely out of line here. They gave you a gift without mentioning that it came with strings attached, not because they thought you would enjoy it, and expected you to store it forever and be slobberingly grateful for the priviledge. A gift that is given with strings attached is not a gift at all, and your sisters-in-law are actually the ones out of line here, not you. It would behoove them greatly to get a better understanding of what a "gift" is and then for them to badger you because you are selling something they wanted--THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AS A GIFT--without consulting them is reprehensible. They are absolutely in the wrong to try to guilt you into giving back their gift and still claim it was a gift to you. They can't have it both ways, and to distress you to this degree is unforgivable and I hope that your niece is a better person than your sisters-in-law and that they are present every time you tell the story of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless gift.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
I have an etiquette question that is keeping me up at night...I am currently selling a lot of my knick-knacks and other things on E-bay. I am trying to declutter,raise money for a trip as well as pay for graduation gifts for a niece and nephew. My sisters-in-law found that I was selling something one of them gave me 5-6 years ago, and were very unhappy about it. They bid on the item and sent a few harsh comments my way via e-mail. I tried to call and talk to one of them about this, and she basically said it is something she would like to have to complete a collection and also that she wants to give it to her daughter, my niece. She said she was perfectly willing to rebuy it back, even though she had given it to me. She also said they did not mean anything by the threatening e-mails. ACKKK! She even stated that she just bid for the fun of it. I canceled the auction. I have no idea if my niece really wants this item, or if it's just my sister-in-law "yanking my chain"...but being as my niece is about to go to college, I was going to give her a check for whatever money I made on this, and a few other items I'm selling. Is there any way I can save face in this situation? I had actually thought selling the item, to benefit someone was a good thing, but I was obviously wrong. I also thought gifts are given as gifts and not expected back someday. How do I give this item to my niece? I'm sure my sisters-in-law have discussed this in front of her. Help!
Sincerely Yours, Marion
Dear Marion,
You poor thing! You kept this item for several years and since it's a knick-knack, obviously it's not something they gave you out of great sentiment for a special occasion. It's not like you are selling the family silver for heaven's sake, so stop beating yourself up over it. It was yours to do with as you pleased and if you want to sell it, that's entirely up to you. People sell things that other people gave them all the time--I traded in the car my dad bought me for my 16th birthday--nothing lasts forever. I could understand their behavior if it was a priceless family heirloom with tons of sentimental value--like great-grandma's diamond engagement ring; but not a little knick-knack. Re-gifting is a different matter, but that's not what happened here. The correct thing to do, now that your sisters-in-law have beaten you to death, would be to ask your niece if she truly wants this item, and if she does then give it to her with all the best wishes and tell the story at every holiday of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless family gift and laugh about it--as will everyone else--at your sisters-in-law.Now, I will address the egregious behavior of your sisters-in-law who are absolutely out of line here. They gave you a gift without mentioning that it came with strings attached, not because they thought you would enjoy it, and expected you to store it forever and be slobberingly grateful for the priviledge. A gift that is given with strings attached is not a gift at all, and your sisters-in-law are actually the ones out of line here, not you. It would behoove them greatly to get a better understanding of what a "gift" is and then for them to badger you because you are selling something they wanted--THAT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AS A GIFT--without consulting them is reprehensible. They are absolutely in the wrong to try to guilt you into giving back their gift and still claim it was a gift to you. They can't have it both ways, and to distress you to this degree is unforgivable and I hope that your niece is a better person than your sisters-in-law and that they are present every time you tell the story of how you tried to Ebay off the priceless gift.
All the Best,
Limo Princess
Wedding invitation accepted but now I can't go
Dear Limo Princess,
Have responded yes to wedding and as it getting closer to the date, we are unable to make it. what do I do?
Dear Peggy,
You should call the bride to be and tell her that you are terribly sorry but you will be unable to attend the wedding even though you though had previously accepted the invitation. Apologize profusely and tell her that you very much wanted to share her joy but that a situation has arisen that is both critical and beyond your control and that you hope she will forgive you for canceling at the last moment. You should also send a small gift even though you aren't attending the wedding since she will have to pay the caterer for your dinners whether you attend or not. It is considered extremely rude to cancel an invitation to a wedding that you have already accepted for all but the direst emergency. No reason to cancel an accepted invitation to go to a different social engagement in place of the invitation you previously accepted will do except the following:"We regret that we are unable to attend your wedding as we have been invited by the President of the United States to dinner at the White House".
Have responded yes to wedding and as it getting closer to the date, we are unable to make it. what do I do?
Dear Peggy,
You should call the bride to be and tell her that you are terribly sorry but you will be unable to attend the wedding even though you though had previously accepted the invitation. Apologize profusely and tell her that you very much wanted to share her joy but that a situation has arisen that is both critical and beyond your control and that you hope she will forgive you for canceling at the last moment. You should also send a small gift even though you aren't attending the wedding since she will have to pay the caterer for your dinners whether you attend or not. It is considered extremely rude to cancel an invitation to a wedding that you have already accepted for all but the direst emergency. No reason to cancel an accepted invitation to go to a different social engagement in place of the invitation you previously accepted will do except the following:"We regret that we are unable to attend your wedding as we have been invited by the President of the United States to dinner at the White House".
Dear Limo Princess,
My great-niece is being baptized at the Baptist Church. Is it proper etiquette to send a gift or a card? This was an invited event.
Answer:
If there is a celebration after the ceremony at the home of the parents, then a small gift would be appropriate, but in the case of an infant, the gift should be something for the future such as a savings bond. It's in the baby's name and placed inside the card. If it's merely the church ceremony then it's optional whether or not you send a gift--and entirely up to you.
Congratulations on the new arrival!
Limo Princess
My great-niece is being baptized at the Baptist Church. Is it proper etiquette to send a gift or a card? This was an invited event.
Answer:
If there is a celebration after the ceremony at the home of the parents, then a small gift would be appropriate, but in the case of an infant, the gift should be something for the future such as a savings bond. It's in the baby's name and placed inside the card. If it's merely the church ceremony then it's optional whether or not you send a gift--and entirely up to you.
Congratulations on the new arrival!
Limo Princess
miscarriage
Dear Limo Princess,
My sister-in-law and brother recently had a miscarriage...is it appropriate to send a gift basket (i.e. favorite snacks, flowers) i live across the country but want them to know i am thinking of them-but do not want to seem tacky.
Answer:
Send a handwritten condolence letter from the heart. Do not use any phrase such as "there will be other babies" as that sounds so patronizing, but a sincere letter from the heart written in your hand on nice stationary will mean more than anything. Don't send a basket--she probably has baby things she can't bear to look at right now. Take her to lunch the next time you are there visiting--when she's physically recovered or for a pedicure--and if she wants to talk about it, just listen. Phone her and let her bring it up and again, just listen, and if she doesn't mention it then don't either. This will mean more to her than anything. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sympathetically,
Limo Princess
My sister-in-law and brother recently had a miscarriage...is it appropriate to send a gift basket (i.e. favorite snacks, flowers) i live across the country but want them to know i am thinking of them-but do not want to seem tacky.
Answer:
Send a handwritten condolence letter from the heart. Do not use any phrase such as "there will be other babies" as that sounds so patronizing, but a sincere letter from the heart written in your hand on nice stationary will mean more than anything. Don't send a basket--she probably has baby things she can't bear to look at right now. Take her to lunch the next time you are there visiting--when she's physically recovered or for a pedicure--and if she wants to talk about it, just listen. Phone her and let her bring it up and again, just listen, and if she doesn't mention it then don't either. This will mean more to her than anything. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sympathetically,
Limo Princess
Graduation parties
Question:
We are the parents of a high school senior who does not want to have a graduation party. We and our son have received invitations to 4 of his friend's parties. Are we supposed to bring a gift, even though we have a graduating senior ourselves?
Answer:
It is entirely up to you if you want to bring a gift or not. High School grads are notorious for sending tons of announcements to fish for gifts--it's reprehensible in my view. If you ATTEND a party for a grad then you should take a gift of your choosing--something like a savings bond would be OK--or whatever is in your budget. If you don't attend a party then you are not obligated for a gift unless you want to give one. It's sort of like the wedding gift if you go to the reception--even if your child is getting married the next week, you still take a gift.
Blessings, Limo Princess
We are the parents of a high school senior who does not want to have a graduation party. We and our son have received invitations to 4 of his friend's parties. Are we supposed to bring a gift, even though we have a graduating senior ourselves?
Answer:
It is entirely up to you if you want to bring a gift or not. High School grads are notorious for sending tons of announcements to fish for gifts--it's reprehensible in my view. If you ATTEND a party for a grad then you should take a gift of your choosing--something like a savings bond would be OK--or whatever is in your budget. If you don't attend a party then you are not obligated for a gift unless you want to give one. It's sort of like the wedding gift if you go to the reception--even if your child is getting married the next week, you still take a gift.
Blessings, Limo Princess
Wedding invitation--sort of?
I received an emailed wedding invitation, about a week before the wedding, addressed to a business group, rather than to me as an individual. The "cover email" states that the sender knows that the wedding is scheduled on a holiday weekend, so the sender wants us to be with our families, however, we can view the wedding on a website. The sender also included the sender's home address as an attachment. I have never received a wedding invitation of this sort. The person sending it is also a business acquaintance with substantial ability to dictate regarding my job. I assume that I am to send a gift?Thanks. Confused
Answer:
If one does not attend a wedding, then one is under no obligation to send a gift. The only exception is when you are close friends of trhe bride or groom and you WANT to send a gift.
Answer:
If one does not attend a wedding, then one is under no obligation to send a gift. The only exception is when you are close friends of trhe bride or groom and you WANT to send a gift.
College Graduation
Question:
As a graduate sending out announcements, can I have a note on my announcement telling people NOT to send money. I don't want my relatives to feel obligated as they have already pawned up money for high school graduation, bachelors degree graduation, and part of my trip to Panama. I am graduating with my Masters.
Answer:
Yes you can. You simply add the words "No Gifts Please" to the announcements.Congratulations, I know how much work it is to get a Master's degree.
As a graduate sending out announcements, can I have a note on my announcement telling people NOT to send money. I don't want my relatives to feel obligated as they have already pawned up money for high school graduation, bachelors degree graduation, and part of my trip to Panama. I am graduating with my Masters.
Answer:
Yes you can. You simply add the words "No Gifts Please" to the announcements.Congratulations, I know how much work it is to get a Master's degree.
High school graduation gifts or cards?
Question:
Hi Limo Princess!
My daughter is graduating from high school this year and she has asked me a very interesting question that I myself am not sure how to answer.... She has friends and acquaintainces who are graduating along with her, and therefore there will be plenty of open house party invites... Some of her friends are ones that we, as her parents, have gotten a chance to get to know and I would like to give them a gift (card with $); there are also some that I don't know as well, and some that I have barely met (if at all.) My daughter asked me last night what would be the proper gift to give (if any). My daughter has next to no money of her own, so it's not a practical option for her to give cash gifts to everyone. I admit that if my daughter weren't also graduating this year, I may feel better prepared to give her friends a bigger check than it feels as though I can afford at this time. And then there was the comment my daughter made "If we all give money to each other, aren't we just defeating the purpose and trading the same money back and forth?" I'm not sure about this one. Please advise. We are not wealthy, but live in an area where just about everyone is comfortable, at least. There are a few friends who I know have some money issues and those are the ones I would feel especially like giving a check to, but I guess I need some ideas. Is it cheap if my daughter just gives a nice card to most of her friends? Thanks head of time for your answer, Linsey
Linsey,
You are not obligated to give a gift to anyone unless you attend their party--and even then it can be something small or a card. Teens use High School graduation to extract gifts from everyone they have ever met and it's ridiculous. The rule I use is if it's someone my child give/receives a birthday gift from, they are close enough to rate a graduation gift. If not, maybe a card. Graduating from high school is not an excuse to hold up your friends and family for gifts although most high school seniors use it as a way to fish for gifts.
Hi Limo Princess!
My daughter is graduating from high school this year and she has asked me a very interesting question that I myself am not sure how to answer.... She has friends and acquaintainces who are graduating along with her, and therefore there will be plenty of open house party invites... Some of her friends are ones that we, as her parents, have gotten a chance to get to know and I would like to give them a gift (card with $); there are also some that I don't know as well, and some that I have barely met (if at all.) My daughter asked me last night what would be the proper gift to give (if any). My daughter has next to no money of her own, so it's not a practical option for her to give cash gifts to everyone. I admit that if my daughter weren't also graduating this year, I may feel better prepared to give her friends a bigger check than it feels as though I can afford at this time. And then there was the comment my daughter made "If we all give money to each other, aren't we just defeating the purpose and trading the same money back and forth?" I'm not sure about this one. Please advise. We are not wealthy, but live in an area where just about everyone is comfortable, at least. There are a few friends who I know have some money issues and those are the ones I would feel especially like giving a check to, but I guess I need some ideas. Is it cheap if my daughter just gives a nice card to most of her friends? Thanks head of time for your answer, Linsey
Linsey,
You are not obligated to give a gift to anyone unless you attend their party--and even then it can be something small or a card. Teens use High School graduation to extract gifts from everyone they have ever met and it's ridiculous. The rule I use is if it's someone my child give/receives a birthday gift from, they are close enough to rate a graduation gift. If not, maybe a card. Graduating from high school is not an excuse to hold up your friends and family for gifts although most high school seniors use it as a way to fish for gifts.
High School Graduation Open House Attendance and Gifts
With neighbors, should I invite them as a courtesy to OUR open houses even if we are not friends. We are not enemies, but if the rule is to invite only those with a close relationship, do I still invite them as a courtesy only? Thank you again for your help.
ANSWER: The basic rule of thumb in life is to invite people that you like and wish to spend time with. If your neighbors are in this group, invite them. If they aren't, you are not under social obligation to them simply because they bought the house next to you. I personally like my neighbors--I think they are lovely people and I invite them to things because they are so terrific about getting my mail and watering my plants when I travel. I also bring them a little gift from everywhere I go as a thank you for all they do for me. My neighbors on the other side wouldn't know me if they fell over me so they aren't on my guest list.
FOLLOW-UP --QUESTION: You have been incredibly helpful in all of this. I would like to specifically ask another question. Even though I've passed on your input to him regarding the attendance of the neighbors' invite, he still wants to go with one of our children without me. The one neighbor has been to his podiatry office a few times with one of their children, so he feels obligated to go, even though we have no social or real neighborly friendship-type relationship. I told him I would be very upset if he went without me and feel this would make me look bad. I just flat out don't want to go. This girl has never spoken one sentence to us and has gone out of her way not to be friendly. Am I justified in how I am feeling, and would it be wrong for my husband to go without me? I feel like he always looks like the good guy. I am not trying to be mean, but we have no close connection with either neighbor and I feel like we are either just being use for a money gift or for courtesy only. Please help! Thank you.
ANSWER: Ahhhh my dear--you witheld pertinent information--you bad girl!! You didn't mention that he was a patient of your husband's medical practice, that makes it different--and you are right, if hubby goes and you don't it will make you look bad. You're going to have to take one for the team. Hubby is obligated to go because he does have a professional relationship with the neighbor. You should make an appearance with your husband because this neighbor considers your husband to be a friend, and by extension so are you. Since your husband wishes to attend anyway, I'm going to tell you how to be perfectly polite and still not have to spend a lot of time at the party. When you arrive with your husband, you go to the host and the graduate and you say to them: "I have the most horrible migraine, but I didn't want to miss your lovely party. I want to congratulate you on your graduation and wish you continued future success." Then you walk away and find the hostess and tell her that you are crestfallen but you must leave her party because your head is about to explode from the terrible migraine, but you wanted to thank her for inviting you and apologize for having to leave so soon, and then you leave. You will have been perfectly polite and you will get points for walking through the door when you were suffering. This should take about 5 minutes and although it's a total waste of makeup, you will have avoided slighting one of your husband's patients who no doubt refers your husband to friends. Times being what they are those referrals can be quite rewarding.
FOLLOW-UP--QUESTION: Although I don't want to, I will attend as you suggested, because I really do want to do the right thing. The only thing I can't do is lie and say I have a migraine. I'll just go and make the best of it. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it, and you have been incredibly helpful.
Answer:
LOL I'll send you my daughter's phone number. Talking to her ALWAYS give me a headache-I'm willing to be incredibly generous and share her with you.....10 minutes before the party--one little phone call and your head will feel like someone whacked you with a sledge hammer.
ANSWER: The basic rule of thumb in life is to invite people that you like and wish to spend time with. If your neighbors are in this group, invite them. If they aren't, you are not under social obligation to them simply because they bought the house next to you. I personally like my neighbors--I think they are lovely people and I invite them to things because they are so terrific about getting my mail and watering my plants when I travel. I also bring them a little gift from everywhere I go as a thank you for all they do for me. My neighbors on the other side wouldn't know me if they fell over me so they aren't on my guest list.
FOLLOW-UP --QUESTION: You have been incredibly helpful in all of this. I would like to specifically ask another question. Even though I've passed on your input to him regarding the attendance of the neighbors' invite, he still wants to go with one of our children without me. The one neighbor has been to his podiatry office a few times with one of their children, so he feels obligated to go, even though we have no social or real neighborly friendship-type relationship. I told him I would be very upset if he went without me and feel this would make me look bad. I just flat out don't want to go. This girl has never spoken one sentence to us and has gone out of her way not to be friendly. Am I justified in how I am feeling, and would it be wrong for my husband to go without me? I feel like he always looks like the good guy. I am not trying to be mean, but we have no close connection with either neighbor and I feel like we are either just being use for a money gift or for courtesy only. Please help! Thank you.
ANSWER: Ahhhh my dear--you witheld pertinent information--you bad girl!! You didn't mention that he was a patient of your husband's medical practice, that makes it different--and you are right, if hubby goes and you don't it will make you look bad. You're going to have to take one for the team. Hubby is obligated to go because he does have a professional relationship with the neighbor. You should make an appearance with your husband because this neighbor considers your husband to be a friend, and by extension so are you. Since your husband wishes to attend anyway, I'm going to tell you how to be perfectly polite and still not have to spend a lot of time at the party. When you arrive with your husband, you go to the host and the graduate and you say to them: "I have the most horrible migraine, but I didn't want to miss your lovely party. I want to congratulate you on your graduation and wish you continued future success." Then you walk away and find the hostess and tell her that you are crestfallen but you must leave her party because your head is about to explode from the terrible migraine, but you wanted to thank her for inviting you and apologize for having to leave so soon, and then you leave. You will have been perfectly polite and you will get points for walking through the door when you were suffering. This should take about 5 minutes and although it's a total waste of makeup, you will have avoided slighting one of your husband's patients who no doubt refers your husband to friends. Times being what they are those referrals can be quite rewarding.
FOLLOW-UP--QUESTION: Although I don't want to, I will attend as you suggested, because I really do want to do the right thing. The only thing I can't do is lie and say I have a migraine. I'll just go and make the best of it. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it, and you have been incredibly helpful.
Answer:
LOL I'll send you my daughter's phone number. Talking to her ALWAYS give me a headache-I'm willing to be incredibly generous and share her with you.....10 minutes before the party--one little phone call and your head will feel like someone whacked you with a sledge hammer.
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