Dear Limo Princess,
I am putting together a surprise retirement party for a physician at a rather pricey restaurant. I would like to convey to individuals they are responsible for their own cocktails and dinner. Do I put this information in the invitation, if so how do I word this without sounding rude.
Dear Michele,
If you are sending invitations then it will be assumed that you are also picking up the tab for the dinner since invited guests are exactly that--guests.The proper way to do this is to telephone the people that you wish to attend and tell them group members are all meeting at the restaurant for dinner and Dr. Smith is attending and is unaware that people will be gathering there to wish him well in retirement and that you hope they will be able to join the celebration and that you have made arrangements at the restaurant for a group of people with separate checks. Then you ask if they will be able to attend as the restaurant will need a head count.It's not a retirement party unless the medical group/hospital or whomever is picking up the bill for the event.
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Friday, May 30, 2008
Visitors entering the Master bedroom
How appropriate is it for someone/relative to enter the master bedroom of a home without being invited?
It is incredibly rude!! The MBR is totally off limits to any guest unless they are specifically invited in by the hostess WHILE SHE IS IN THE ROOM. If they are houseguests, they knock in the morning and wait to be acknowledged and invited in before entering. At a dinner party or other non-overnight event, no polite person EVER enters the master bedroom without a specific invitation. The only exception to this is if it is a one-bedroom apartment and you must go through the bedroom to use the bathroom. Relatives are a slightly different matter, but they should still respect the sanctity of the MBR.
It is incredibly rude!! The MBR is totally off limits to any guest unless they are specifically invited in by the hostess WHILE SHE IS IN THE ROOM. If they are houseguests, they knock in the morning and wait to be acknowledged and invited in before entering. At a dinner party or other non-overnight event, no polite person EVER enters the master bedroom without a specific invitation. The only exception to this is if it is a one-bedroom apartment and you must go through the bedroom to use the bathroom. Relatives are a slightly different matter, but they should still respect the sanctity of the MBR.
High school graduation gifts or cards?
Question:
Hi Limo Princess!
My daughter is graduating from high school this year and she has asked me a very interesting question that I myself am not sure how to answer.... She has friends and acquaintainces who are graduating along with her, and therefore there will be plenty of open house party invites... Some of her friends are ones that we, as her parents, have gotten a chance to get to know and I would like to give them a gift (card with $); there are also some that I don't know as well, and some that I have barely met (if at all.) My daughter asked me last night what would be the proper gift to give (if any). My daughter has next to no money of her own, so it's not a practical option for her to give cash gifts to everyone. I admit that if my daughter weren't also graduating this year, I may feel better prepared to give her friends a bigger check than it feels as though I can afford at this time. And then there was the comment my daughter made "If we all give money to each other, aren't we just defeating the purpose and trading the same money back and forth?" I'm not sure about this one. Please advise. We are not wealthy, but live in an area where just about everyone is comfortable, at least. There are a few friends who I know have some money issues and those are the ones I would feel especially like giving a check to, but I guess I need some ideas. Is it cheap if my daughter just gives a nice card to most of her friends? Thanks head of time for your answer, Linsey
Linsey,
You are not obligated to give a gift to anyone unless you attend their party--and even then it can be something small or a card. Teens use High School graduation to extract gifts from everyone they have ever met and it's ridiculous. The rule I use is if it's someone my child give/receives a birthday gift from, they are close enough to rate a graduation gift. If not, maybe a card. Graduating from high school is not an excuse to hold up your friends and family for gifts although most high school seniors use it as a way to fish for gifts.
Hi Limo Princess!
My daughter is graduating from high school this year and she has asked me a very interesting question that I myself am not sure how to answer.... She has friends and acquaintainces who are graduating along with her, and therefore there will be plenty of open house party invites... Some of her friends are ones that we, as her parents, have gotten a chance to get to know and I would like to give them a gift (card with $); there are also some that I don't know as well, and some that I have barely met (if at all.) My daughter asked me last night what would be the proper gift to give (if any). My daughter has next to no money of her own, so it's not a practical option for her to give cash gifts to everyone. I admit that if my daughter weren't also graduating this year, I may feel better prepared to give her friends a bigger check than it feels as though I can afford at this time. And then there was the comment my daughter made "If we all give money to each other, aren't we just defeating the purpose and trading the same money back and forth?" I'm not sure about this one. Please advise. We are not wealthy, but live in an area where just about everyone is comfortable, at least. There are a few friends who I know have some money issues and those are the ones I would feel especially like giving a check to, but I guess I need some ideas. Is it cheap if my daughter just gives a nice card to most of her friends? Thanks head of time for your answer, Linsey
Linsey,
You are not obligated to give a gift to anyone unless you attend their party--and even then it can be something small or a card. Teens use High School graduation to extract gifts from everyone they have ever met and it's ridiculous. The rule I use is if it's someone my child give/receives a birthday gift from, they are close enough to rate a graduation gift. If not, maybe a card. Graduating from high school is not an excuse to hold up your friends and family for gifts although most high school seniors use it as a way to fish for gifts.
Wedding Video
I am the mother of the bride and I received a wedding video from a relation of the groom, who was also in the wedding. The only pictures of the bride was when she was with the groom or a member of the grooms family, it was as though she had no mother or family members. The video was filled with pictures of the family members that took the video. I realize that is not uncommon, but my question is should I have received a copy of this video, it hurt my feelings.
Answer:
Oh dear. It should not have hurt your feelings, everyone videos the part of the wedding that they are interested in, and they are trying to be thoughtful by sending you a copy of the video. If you look at the video taken by someone from your side of the family, there will be a preponderance of photos from your side of the family, that's just human nature. They wanted to share the photos of your lovely daughter at her beautiful wedding with her new family members--they didn't mean any harm. Please Nora--take it in the spirit in which it was intended and enjoy it--after all, you already know what all your relatives look like--now you will recognize your daughters in-laws when you see them again at her home in years to come. Don't take it as a slight--it wasn't meant that way and the people who sent it to you would be CRUSHED if they thought they had upset you. After all, they just wanted to share it with you and it was a nice gesture on their part--most people wouldn't even have bothered.
Answer:
Oh dear. It should not have hurt your feelings, everyone videos the part of the wedding that they are interested in, and they are trying to be thoughtful by sending you a copy of the video. If you look at the video taken by someone from your side of the family, there will be a preponderance of photos from your side of the family, that's just human nature. They wanted to share the photos of your lovely daughter at her beautiful wedding with her new family members--they didn't mean any harm. Please Nora--take it in the spirit in which it was intended and enjoy it--after all, you already know what all your relatives look like--now you will recognize your daughters in-laws when you see them again at her home in years to come. Don't take it as a slight--it wasn't meant that way and the people who sent it to you would be CRUSHED if they thought they had upset you. After all, they just wanted to share it with you and it was a nice gesture on their part--most people wouldn't even have bothered.
High School Graduation Open House Attendance and Gifts
With neighbors, should I invite them as a courtesy to OUR open houses even if we are not friends. We are not enemies, but if the rule is to invite only those with a close relationship, do I still invite them as a courtesy only? Thank you again for your help.
ANSWER: The basic rule of thumb in life is to invite people that you like and wish to spend time with. If your neighbors are in this group, invite them. If they aren't, you are not under social obligation to them simply because they bought the house next to you. I personally like my neighbors--I think they are lovely people and I invite them to things because they are so terrific about getting my mail and watering my plants when I travel. I also bring them a little gift from everywhere I go as a thank you for all they do for me. My neighbors on the other side wouldn't know me if they fell over me so they aren't on my guest list.
FOLLOW-UP --QUESTION: You have been incredibly helpful in all of this. I would like to specifically ask another question. Even though I've passed on your input to him regarding the attendance of the neighbors' invite, he still wants to go with one of our children without me. The one neighbor has been to his podiatry office a few times with one of their children, so he feels obligated to go, even though we have no social or real neighborly friendship-type relationship. I told him I would be very upset if he went without me and feel this would make me look bad. I just flat out don't want to go. This girl has never spoken one sentence to us and has gone out of her way not to be friendly. Am I justified in how I am feeling, and would it be wrong for my husband to go without me? I feel like he always looks like the good guy. I am not trying to be mean, but we have no close connection with either neighbor and I feel like we are either just being use for a money gift or for courtesy only. Please help! Thank you.
ANSWER: Ahhhh my dear--you witheld pertinent information--you bad girl!! You didn't mention that he was a patient of your husband's medical practice, that makes it different--and you are right, if hubby goes and you don't it will make you look bad. You're going to have to take one for the team. Hubby is obligated to go because he does have a professional relationship with the neighbor. You should make an appearance with your husband because this neighbor considers your husband to be a friend, and by extension so are you. Since your husband wishes to attend anyway, I'm going to tell you how to be perfectly polite and still not have to spend a lot of time at the party. When you arrive with your husband, you go to the host and the graduate and you say to them: "I have the most horrible migraine, but I didn't want to miss your lovely party. I want to congratulate you on your graduation and wish you continued future success." Then you walk away and find the hostess and tell her that you are crestfallen but you must leave her party because your head is about to explode from the terrible migraine, but you wanted to thank her for inviting you and apologize for having to leave so soon, and then you leave. You will have been perfectly polite and you will get points for walking through the door when you were suffering. This should take about 5 minutes and although it's a total waste of makeup, you will have avoided slighting one of your husband's patients who no doubt refers your husband to friends. Times being what they are those referrals can be quite rewarding.
FOLLOW-UP--QUESTION: Although I don't want to, I will attend as you suggested, because I really do want to do the right thing. The only thing I can't do is lie and say I have a migraine. I'll just go and make the best of it. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it, and you have been incredibly helpful.
Answer:
LOL I'll send you my daughter's phone number. Talking to her ALWAYS give me a headache-I'm willing to be incredibly generous and share her with you.....10 minutes before the party--one little phone call and your head will feel like someone whacked you with a sledge hammer.
ANSWER: The basic rule of thumb in life is to invite people that you like and wish to spend time with. If your neighbors are in this group, invite them. If they aren't, you are not under social obligation to them simply because they bought the house next to you. I personally like my neighbors--I think they are lovely people and I invite them to things because they are so terrific about getting my mail and watering my plants when I travel. I also bring them a little gift from everywhere I go as a thank you for all they do for me. My neighbors on the other side wouldn't know me if they fell over me so they aren't on my guest list.
FOLLOW-UP --QUESTION: You have been incredibly helpful in all of this. I would like to specifically ask another question. Even though I've passed on your input to him regarding the attendance of the neighbors' invite, he still wants to go with one of our children without me. The one neighbor has been to his podiatry office a few times with one of their children, so he feels obligated to go, even though we have no social or real neighborly friendship-type relationship. I told him I would be very upset if he went without me and feel this would make me look bad. I just flat out don't want to go. This girl has never spoken one sentence to us and has gone out of her way not to be friendly. Am I justified in how I am feeling, and would it be wrong for my husband to go without me? I feel like he always looks like the good guy. I am not trying to be mean, but we have no close connection with either neighbor and I feel like we are either just being use for a money gift or for courtesy only. Please help! Thank you.
ANSWER: Ahhhh my dear--you witheld pertinent information--you bad girl!! You didn't mention that he was a patient of your husband's medical practice, that makes it different--and you are right, if hubby goes and you don't it will make you look bad. You're going to have to take one for the team. Hubby is obligated to go because he does have a professional relationship with the neighbor. You should make an appearance with your husband because this neighbor considers your husband to be a friend, and by extension so are you. Since your husband wishes to attend anyway, I'm going to tell you how to be perfectly polite and still not have to spend a lot of time at the party. When you arrive with your husband, you go to the host and the graduate and you say to them: "I have the most horrible migraine, but I didn't want to miss your lovely party. I want to congratulate you on your graduation and wish you continued future success." Then you walk away and find the hostess and tell her that you are crestfallen but you must leave her party because your head is about to explode from the terrible migraine, but you wanted to thank her for inviting you and apologize for having to leave so soon, and then you leave. You will have been perfectly polite and you will get points for walking through the door when you were suffering. This should take about 5 minutes and although it's a total waste of makeup, you will have avoided slighting one of your husband's patients who no doubt refers your husband to friends. Times being what they are those referrals can be quite rewarding.
FOLLOW-UP--QUESTION: Although I don't want to, I will attend as you suggested, because I really do want to do the right thing. The only thing I can't do is lie and say I have a migraine. I'll just go and make the best of it. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it, and you have been incredibly helpful.
Answer:
LOL I'll send you my daughter's phone number. Talking to her ALWAYS give me a headache-I'm willing to be incredibly generous and share her with you.....10 minutes before the party--one little phone call and your head will feel like someone whacked you with a sledge hammer.
dinner out
My father, aged 86, died a week ago and the funeral was several days ago. The phone has been ringing nonstop with condolences. Is is proper for my husband and I to go out to dinner one week after his death?
Dear Adrienne,
Of course you can go out to dinner. Life goes on, and I am sure you are working diligently on the thank you notes for the food, flowers and condolence cards so you deserve a night out.I am terribly sorry for your loss.
Dear Adrienne,
Of course you can go out to dinner. Life goes on, and I am sure you are working diligently on the thank you notes for the food, flowers and condolence cards so you deserve a night out.I am terribly sorry for your loss.
Graduation Celebration Guest Etiquette
My husband has been the basketball/baseball coach of a few kids that are now graduating high school. Each of them is having a separate celebration of their own (not on the same day). As invited guests, how long is an appropriate time for us to stay at each celebration? Is 30 minutes too short? Is 60 minutes too long?
Thanks, Tammy
He can stay as long as he likes or leave after congratulating the graduate and wishing him/her well. If you are having a good time, then you stay--you are invited guests--if not, then you leave. There's no rule as to minimum/maximum time at a party, however if the sun is coming up and everyone has gone to bed, you may have stayed a tad too long.
Enjoy,
Limo Princess
Thanks, Tammy
He can stay as long as he likes or leave after congratulating the graduate and wishing him/her well. If you are having a good time, then you stay--you are invited guests--if not, then you leave. There's no rule as to minimum/maximum time at a party, however if the sun is coming up and everyone has gone to bed, you may have stayed a tad too long.
Enjoy,
Limo Princess
husband doesn't answer/return calls
My husband often ignores calls that come in on his cell phone from his friends. He's not necessarily busy with anything at the time, he just doesn't feel like answering or talking to them and it's not like there are that many calls. We're talking about just a few friends. One friend frequently gets annoyed at this, because not only does he ignore the calls, but doesn't even return the call in a timely manner, or at all. Last night a friend he only talks to about once a month called and he again ignored it. Tonight I asked if he ever returned the call and he said he hadn't even listened to the message yet. I told him that I thought he was being rude and I was glad he wasn't one of my friends (I didn't mean it like it sounds of course). So am I out of line to think he should answer his friend's calls, or does the availability of caller id grant us that prerogative?
Dear Danica,
As you have noticed, there are very few calls. As time goes by there will be none at all since even the most devoted friend will abandon him eventually and he has only himself to blame. It's rude not to return phone calls when people leave messages but obviously he doesn't care or he'd return the calls. When he has no friends, you will know why. His behavior is no reflection on you and you aren't responsible for him so ignore it--there's nothing you can do anyway and he will learn what I have told you already in time. Obviously you are a lovely and polite person, but there's nothing you can do without antagonizing your husband, so let it go.
Dear Danica,
As you have noticed, there are very few calls. As time goes by there will be none at all since even the most devoted friend will abandon him eventually and he has only himself to blame. It's rude not to return phone calls when people leave messages but obviously he doesn't care or he'd return the calls. When he has no friends, you will know why. His behavior is no reflection on you and you aren't responsible for him so ignore it--there's nothing you can do anyway and he will learn what I have told you already in time. Obviously you are a lovely and polite person, but there's nothing you can do without antagonizing your husband, so let it go.
Charge admission to a party?
Dear Limo Princess,
My brother and future sister in law often throw parties at their house for their friends. We talked about having a bbq there for the holiday weekend and I offered to bring whatever they would like, all she needed to do was tell me beforehand. The night before the party I received a text message stating that there would be a $15 a person charge to attend. This is not the first time she has charged for dinner but since she hasn't tried in a while I assumed she had thought the better of it. I think it's tacky and am offended. Granted, they did put in the money for the food and beer, but we would have happily brought our own beer and made or brought anything that would be asked of us. Even if they had asked us to help front the bill earlier than the night before it wouldn't have been so offensive. I am considering not attending and unsure if it is my place to bring it up to her that asking people to pay a cover to come to your house is crass. I am concerned however that left unaddressed this will be a recurring issue in our relationship. I don't want to offend but I also don't want to be resentful or find excuses why we cannot attend. Is there a way to emerge from this gracefully?
Dear Reader,
I had to read your question three times and I am still horrified that someone could be so incredibly loutish as to use a social situation as an economic enterprise. Your FUTURE sister-in-law is in desperate need of a remedial course in social graces. I am convinced she was raised by wolves that were living behind the trailer park. It is about 23 light years PAST uncouth to charge someone to come to your home when they are there by your invitation--it is just simply NOT DONE--and I am amazed that ANYONE would attend anything at her home. Most certainly you should not attend this event and as for being worried about offending her I don't think it's possible for you to offend anyone who has the absolute gall to charge people for accepting an invitation. She is beyond being offended by anything short of human sacrifice and I'm wondering about that! There is NO SITUATION where charging people to attend a social event to which they were invited to is acceptable--NONE!! It is absolutely totally socially unacceptable in any situation to do this and your brother should really reconsider marrying this woman if he wants to keep his friends and family on speaking terms with him. The only socially acceptable way to share the cost of a social event is to ask people to bring a dish of whatever you ask them to make. I've hosted potlucks which are a lot of fun because I call it a recipe exchange which everyone loves because they get to taste a lot of things and get the recipes for ones they want to make in the future. There's a name for parties people are charged to attend, they are called fundraisers. People DO attend them by invitation but know they are expected to pay to attend from the beginning, they are for whatever cause and are tax deductible. Your way out of this is to tell your crass, rude and totally socially unacceptable future sister-in-law that you only attend fundraisers for causes that are tax-deductible. This will leave her speechless and baffled and might possibly clue her into the fact that she needs to learn social graces. With any luck she will do this immediately and spare your poor brother the lifetime of embarrassment that marrying this woman will heap on him. What will happen when he invites his boss for dinner? Will she present him with a bill at the end of the evening? It's too horrible to think about the many ways this woman will socially ostracize him, but perhaps he will come to his senses and insist she learn manners.
My brother and future sister in law often throw parties at their house for their friends. We talked about having a bbq there for the holiday weekend and I offered to bring whatever they would like, all she needed to do was tell me beforehand. The night before the party I received a text message stating that there would be a $15 a person charge to attend. This is not the first time she has charged for dinner but since she hasn't tried in a while I assumed she had thought the better of it. I think it's tacky and am offended. Granted, they did put in the money for the food and beer, but we would have happily brought our own beer and made or brought anything that would be asked of us. Even if they had asked us to help front the bill earlier than the night before it wouldn't have been so offensive. I am considering not attending and unsure if it is my place to bring it up to her that asking people to pay a cover to come to your house is crass. I am concerned however that left unaddressed this will be a recurring issue in our relationship. I don't want to offend but I also don't want to be resentful or find excuses why we cannot attend. Is there a way to emerge from this gracefully?
Dear Reader,
I had to read your question three times and I am still horrified that someone could be so incredibly loutish as to use a social situation as an economic enterprise. Your FUTURE sister-in-law is in desperate need of a remedial course in social graces. I am convinced she was raised by wolves that were living behind the trailer park. It is about 23 light years PAST uncouth to charge someone to come to your home when they are there by your invitation--it is just simply NOT DONE--and I am amazed that ANYONE would attend anything at her home. Most certainly you should not attend this event and as for being worried about offending her I don't think it's possible for you to offend anyone who has the absolute gall to charge people for accepting an invitation. She is beyond being offended by anything short of human sacrifice and I'm wondering about that! There is NO SITUATION where charging people to attend a social event to which they were invited to is acceptable--NONE!! It is absolutely totally socially unacceptable in any situation to do this and your brother should really reconsider marrying this woman if he wants to keep his friends and family on speaking terms with him. The only socially acceptable way to share the cost of a social event is to ask people to bring a dish of whatever you ask them to make. I've hosted potlucks which are a lot of fun because I call it a recipe exchange which everyone loves because they get to taste a lot of things and get the recipes for ones they want to make in the future. There's a name for parties people are charged to attend, they are called fundraisers. People DO attend them by invitation but know they are expected to pay to attend from the beginning, they are for whatever cause and are tax deductible. Your way out of this is to tell your crass, rude and totally socially unacceptable future sister-in-law that you only attend fundraisers for causes that are tax-deductible. This will leave her speechless and baffled and might possibly clue her into the fact that she needs to learn social graces. With any luck she will do this immediately and spare your poor brother the lifetime of embarrassment that marrying this woman will heap on him. What will happen when he invites his boss for dinner? Will she present him with a bill at the end of the evening? It's too horrible to think about the many ways this woman will socially ostracize him, but perhaps he will come to his senses and insist she learn manners.
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