Get together invite goes horribly wrong!!

Dear Limo Princess,
We are having a get-together for some of our family and our next door neighbors (who are really good friends) on Sunday. Saturday, our neighbor asks us out of the blue if she can have her daughters (18) boyfriend attend also, and offered to bring extra food. We wanted to keep this shindig limited to who we offered verbal invites too, so we said no. She then proceeded to get mad and upset, through out the "well we're not family card" and said they would not be attending. My wife and I were totally shocked at her actions, and would like to know if we should apologize. We have a son (15) and he was told up front he would not be allowed to have any friends over. I don't see why we should allow someone's daughter to have her boyfriend over, when we are not allowing our son to have anyone over. After all, we did not invite the boyfriend, just the mom, dad, and daughter. Should we apologize, or is an apology owed to us? This has been irritating us, and we would like to know if we were in the wrong or not. P.S. - The daughter runs this household. Anytime she wants something, she pouts and moans and mopes and throws the guilt trip around until she gets her way. Her mother always gives in to her demands, and her dad gets ganged up on by mother and daughter when he tries to lay down the law. So he stays pretty neutral when things like this happen. She has already gotten 2 cars and 2 trips out of this, not to mention a face piercing, which her mother said she would never get as long as she lived in their house.

Dear Joey.
I'm afraid you aren't going to like my answer, but on the rude scale, you topped your neighbor. She was about a 1 and you were a 6 on the scale. While no one should ask a hostess if they can bring an extra guest, the neighbor girl who is OVER 18 and therefore an adult, should have been allowed to bring her boyfriend. Your son is 15 and I can understand your reasoning in not wanting kids, but you forgot that the girl next door IS an adult and to invite her to a party without allowing her to bring a date is rude because even though she's still "the little girl next door" to you, she's an adult. Either her boyfriend should have been included in the original invite or they should all have been excluded. Your neighbor even offered to bring extra food to make up for the extra person which was nice of her and the right thing to do and you were inhospitable. I'm surprised from your email that you behaved this way to a close friend and neighbor, I'm wondering if you let your dislike for this girl spill over into your relationship with her parents, but at any rate, it's done. I know it's difficult for you because your dislike of this girl is apparent even to me in such a short email, but she will leave home soon and you don't want to lose good friends because their child-rearing isn't up to your standards.You owe your neighbor an apology, and soon before you irreparably damage the friendship.
FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Unfortunately, of course this isn't the answer I was looking for, but does the fact she turned 18 about 2 weeks ago make a difference? Also, her mother doesn't like her boyfriend, who is 15, and is not an adult, and am wondering if his age should be a factor, since my sons friends are also 15? Thanks for the response.

Dear Joey,
Well, actually that DOES make a difference as I presumed he would be at least 18, so that one's on me! I understand where you are coming from as I try to ban children from my parties, but when someone asks if they can bring a child(ren) I always say yes.Still, even though this brings you to a 3 instead of a 6, you still should be the one to institute the healing process. These people have been friends of yours for a long time--friends argue but they forgive--and someone has to make the first move with the olive branch. I'd suggest doing it with humor--take them a cake and tell them you brought it to them because your are having some tasty crow. It would be OK to leave in on the door when they aren't home which will keep them from being on the spot. Then let it go--you have extended an olive branch and it will be up to them to make the next move--and hopefully it will all be OK. I know you must be a good man because you didn't lambaste me when you didn't like my answer. 'This too shall pass' as someone much wiser once said, give it a little time and some baked goods and see what happens. I sincerely hope this works out for you and that you can patch things up with your neighbors!

FOLLOW-UP
Dear Limo Princess,
Thank you so much for your help. This will guide us in the right direction. I think we will take your advice and start amends.